Karen La Corte
manners MATTER
Karen La Corte is an etiquette and manners expert trained and
certified by the Emily Post Institute in Vermont. Karen is happy to
answer your questions — email her at [email protected]
Manners Around the World
A
t a recent dinner party, the
conversation came up about
customs around the world and
most specifically if other countries practice
etiquette like we do here in the United
States. The answer is yes, but differently.
In every country respect and regard for
others' feelings are a universal code—in
today's modern world as it was in ancient
times. Philosophers have been documenting
social behavior and codes of appropriate
conduct since two thousand years before
Christ. Both Ptahhotep (vizier of ancient
Egypt) and Confucius came up with rules
for everyday things like eating and speaking
just as our Emily Post did here in America
in 1922. So, manners are not new, they
just change with the times and vary from
culture to culture.
In China, Taiwan, and much of the Far
East, belching is considered a compliment
to the chef that you have enjoyed your
meal. Can you imagine belching in a
restaurant here in the United States or
even at your own dinner table? And, when
dining in China, don’t clear your plate out
of politeness. It would be very bad manners
for your host not to keep refilling it. You
should leave some food on your plate at
each course as an acknowledgment of your
host's generosity. In addition to this, in
China and Japan, slurping your noodles
shows appreciation for the meal. Another
good tip to know is to never rest chopsticks
in or across a rice bowl. This is how food is
offered to the spirit of a dead person. Place
them on your plate or use the chopsticks
rest. And we thought the placement of our
fork and knife was hard to remember here
in our country!
In Muslim countries, you are not to
eat with your left hand. It is considered
unclean. And in many countries including
parts of Asia, much of Africa and the Middle
East, you will find no utensils of any kind
44
and will be expected to eat with your hands
– a personal favorite of my grandchildren!
In most Asian countries, a business
card is seen as an extension of the per-
son it represents. By folding or writing on
it, or just putting it in your pocket, is to
disrespect the person who gave it to you.
Here in our country a nice firm hand-
shake is a positive way to greet somebody,
but in the Philippines too firm of a grip
is seen as a sign of aggression. In Japan, a
bow is customary over a handshake. But if
a hand is extended, make sure you shake
everyone’s hand in the room using a much
gentler grip. Orthodox Jews will not shake
hands with someone of the opposite sex. A
strict Muslim woman will not shake hands
with a man. Folks in these cultures generally
avoid touching folks of the opposite sex
who are not family members. In Italy, Spain,
and Portugal a kiss on each cheek is a
customary greeting.
In Japan and Korea, a tip is considered
an insult. This custom is beginning to
change in today's world. When traveling in
European countries, the tip is included in
the bill. In America, we must figure in the
tip ourselves at a restaurant unless it is a
large party. And in France, splitting the bill
is considered unsophisticated.
In Germany and most of South America,
it is an insult to give the “okay” sign (thumb
and forefinger touching to make a circle). It
is very offensive, while in France it means
“zero” or worthless. In the U.K., when the
peace sign is given (the two-fingered “V for
victory”) with the hand turned so that the
palm faces inwards, it is also considered
extremely rude, having an offensive meaning.
In countries such as Asia and South
America, it is customary to remove your
shoes when entering someone’s house. I’ve
been trying to get my family to remove their
shoes in my house for years!
Here’s a good one. In Switzerland, France
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
february/march 2019
and Luxembourg, chewing gum in public is
considered vulgar, and in Singapore, most
types of gum have been illegal since 1992
when residents grew tired of scraping the
sticky stuff off their sidewalks. I often times
wish gum-chewing would have consequences
here in the U.S.
In Italy it is good manners to dress
respectably and modestly in churches.
Women need to cover their shoulders and
knees. Men need to wear long pants.
Gift giving in other countries is very
common when doing business or in showing
appreciation. Knowing when to give a
gift, and what is considered appropriate
is extremely important. You would never
give gifts of knives in Latin America, for
example, as they can symbolize the severing
of a friendship. And you would never give
a clock to someone in China because the
Chinese associate clocks with death.
Business is not conducted while eating
in many countries, unlike in the U.S. It is
considered bad manners to discuss business
until after the main course has been removed
from the table.
My most favorite rule of the British is that
if you’re dining with the Queen of England,
you’d better eat fast if you’re hungry. The
reason being that when the Queen is finished
eating, so are you! All plates are cleared.
These are just a few cultural examples of
manners that I thought you’d find interesting.
There’s so much to know-and difficult to
remember without looking it up. There’s a
really cool book out called “Kiss, Bow, or
Shake Hands” by Terri Morrison and Wayne
A. Conaway if you’d like further reading. It is
well written and extremely interesting.
My suggestion to you if you are going to a
foreign country is to study their culture first.
While there, if you are unsure about a word,
gesture or custom, ask someone. When your
respect for others is sincere, then minor
etiquette mistakes are overlooked.
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