G
Unmothered: Healing a painful childhood
Written By Jordan Rosenfeld
ilroy author Phylis
Mantelli has found
her “passion” in
helping young girls to
mend their relationships with their mothers, or to mend
their own hearts if that is not possible, through speaking
and mentorship in her church. She comes by this work
honestly, having grown up in a highly dysfunctional
home with a mother who was mentally ill and struggled
with alcohol addiction.
The story of her childhood and how it led her to
help others heal is the subject of her newly-published
memoir, “Unmothered: Life With A Mom Who Couldn’t
Love Me.” Though her childhood was tumultuous, her
book, she said, “Isn’t a bashing of my mother. It’s a
love story about learning how to love your mother in
spite of [challenges]. And if you can’t, if it’s a dangerous
situation, to honor yourself.”
As far back as she remembers, life with her mother
was complicated for her and her two siblings. “My mom
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GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
was a very up or down kind of person. We didn’t know
what we were coming home to.” They couldn’t bring
friends over for fear of what they’d find. And the only
clue they’d receive that their mother was in a decent
mood, was if she’d been cooking.
“When I would smell chocolate chip cookies or
bread, I knew it would be a good day,” she said.
At the age of eight Mantelli’s life was sent into
tumult. Her mother had begun an affair and become
pregnant with another man's child. She didn’t want her
husband, a long-distance truck driver, to find out. So
she packed up her house and moved while he
was away.
“I came home from school and there was a big
moving van in front of the house and two men were
carrying out the couch. When we walked in, the whole
house was empty.”
When her father returned from work away, she said,
“He came home to an empty house and no family.” In
an age when there was no Internet, smartphones or
december 2018-january 2019
gmhtoday.com