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AGING
with an
Attitude
My
S
Shadow
Knows!
Dorie Sugay is the Executive Director
of Visiting Angels, a company that
provides living-assistance services to
seniors and adults-in-need who wish
to stay in their own home or receive
one-on-one care within a facility.
This article is for informational and
educational purposes only. It was
written independently of Visiting
Angels.
84
elf-reflection is healthy. But
even those who are comfortable
conducting regular self-assessments
can miss something. The truth after all, can
be tough to accept. Our brains can play the
denial game and most of us find ourselves
painting a picture of where we are, who
we are…that is not so accurate. But why,
you ask, do we need to care. After all, what
matters most is how we think of ourselves,
right? Well, as we get older, the real truth
matters more than ever, especially if there
is a discrepancy between what we paint
as our truth and the real truth. How can
you, for example, make healthy changes
without acknowledging that you have self-
destructive habits?
One Friday afternoon, I met up with
a girlfriend I had not seen for years. She
thought I looked tired and that perhaps I
needed to allow myself more time to mourn
the loss of my brother and two friends. I
dismissed her assessment and assured her
that I felt great. I had “mourned enough” —
I really had the bull by the horns and could
navigate easily through life’s bumps.
After seeing her, I went home and took
my pup out for a walk. On the way down
the driveway I saw my shadow — and
no, my mind didn’t think of Judy Garland
singing “Me and My Shadow.” The vision
of my shadow made me pause and tear
up. My shadow looked burdened — sad
— exhausted. It was not a pretty picture.
Through my shadow, reality had somehow
made me see my truth in a non-threatening
way. And frankly, it helped me a lot. I
knew then that I had some self-reflection
to do, and mourning to allow. It also made
me realize that my physical presence was
compromised by feelings I tried to bury.
It was a wake-up call. If I had not seen
my shadow, if I had not taken the time to
reflect, I would not have come to accept
that my girlfriend was right –I have a lot
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2016
to deal with, and I should give myself
permission to humanly face them.
Seeing my undeniable reality made
me stand up straight, walk with surety
and confidence. And guess what? By
doing that, it seemed my brain had to
go through a change because by the
time we got to where we were going,
I was in a better frame of mind and
I knew that I had some work to do. I
gave myself permission to deal with all the
emotions that would come up as I dealt with
the loss of my loved ones.
What is your shadow saying about you?
Does it show confidence or doubt? Energy
or burnout? Is it a picture that captures
who you are, where you are in life, how you
are feeling? Have you ever seen the images
of a bent senior whose shadow is that of a
ballerina, or a cat whose shadow is that of a
tiger? Is that what you see when you think
of your shadow? If you do, is your lifestyle
in line with that vision? You might want
to do an experiment and catch a sneaky
glimpse of your shadow sometime and see
what your shadow is saying about you or
your situation. You just may learn something
that you could use to improve at least your
mood, if not your situation.
Sometimes, a little reminder can help us
get back on track. Seeing my shadow alerted
me to my true reality but sometimes, the
messages we get through the day do not
help. If you are going through something
and the truth does not help you get things
back on track on your own, please don’t
hesitate to consult with a therapist. They
can help you read between the lines and see
your truth when life sends you a message.
Life has a habit of throwing curve balls
our way. Pay attention, open your eyes,
listen and feel. I used to work with a woman
who would come over and cry about her
boss. My son was only four years old and
he asked her one day, “Why do you cry all
the time?” She told him, “This person I play
with is mean” and Derek said, “Then stop
playing with her. Now you can stop crying
and go home.” After I cringed because he
was making it clear her visit was over, we
both realized my little guy had a message
for her, just like my shadow had a message
for me. Does your shadow have a message?
Slow down, pay attention — is there a
valuable message your are missing?
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