Preparing Johnny
For Siblinghood
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f you’re expecting another child or you already have more than
one, chances are you’ve been concerned about them getting
along. Many parents worry about how their oldest child will
handle the introduction of a new baby. While jealousy is a normal
rite of passage for firstborn children, there are ways to make the
transition into siblinghood a smoother one. Children at different
stages of development are going to handle having a new baby
brother or sister differently. Here are a few ways you can make the
transition easier.
Early Preparation
Regardless of what age your eldest child might be, early preparation
goes a long way. Tell your child about the baby well before it’s
born and be realistic about what to expect when it arrives. Depict
the baby as a real person that will need a lot of sleep, milk, and
diapers, and explain that it won’t be able to do much at first. This
positively prepares your eldest for what he can expect so that he
won’t be disappointed when the baby arrives. Any big changes
such as potty training or moving from a crib to a bed should be
done before the baby’s born so that your child doesn’t blame the
baby for these changes.
Under 24 Months
Children at this age have a hard time comprehending the arrival of
a new baby because they are still heavily reliant on their parents.
It can be emotionally rough for them to suddenly have to become
the big brother or sister. The loss of attention from mommy and
daddy can increase the likelihood of sibling jealously and rejecting
the baby as a member of the family. To help assuage these negative
feelings, be sure to set aside some alone time with your toddler,
even if it’s just a 15-minute story while the baby naps. Try to
remember to smile whenever she comes into the room and give
her hugs and kisses. You never know when she might need them.
If your hands are full with the baby and your toddler whines for
your attention, acknowledge her feelings by saying something like,
“I see you’re sad that I can’t hold you. I’m sad too. Why don’t you
come and snuggle with me while I feed the baby?”
Ages 2-3
Kids in this age group often become weepy or clingy when a new
baby comes into the picture. They may even regress and want to
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nurse again or wear diapers again, even if they’ve been weaned
and potty trained. Some kids will act out because it’s a guaranteed
way to get your attention. At this age, they may feel very conflicted
about a new baby. Part of them still wants to be the baby, but
another part wants independence. Acknowledging, and to some
degree, going along with your child’s desire to be a baby again
can help him with any anxiety he might be feeling. Try saying,
“It looks like you want to be a baby now too,” and let him act
like a baby for a while, perhaps by cradling him or letting him
make baby sounds. If you make a game of it, eventually he’ll tire
of playing baby and move on.
To appeal to his independent side, encourage your eldest to
help with caring for the baby. Give him a say in anything from
picking what outfit the baby should wear to choosing what toys
are best for the baby, or even “carrying” the baby to its crib.
Emphasize all the things he can do because he is a “big” boy and
how helpful he’s being. He’ll be more likely to embrace the role of
big brother and take pride in it. Just be sure to take cues from your
child as to how much he wants to help.
Ages 4-8
By this age, kids tend to be more reasonable about a new baby.
They’re more caught up in school, play dates, and activities, which
means they aren’t as reliant on you for everything. That being said,
they still may worry about being left behind. Make sure you have
some one-on-one time with your child, whether it’s a trip to the
store or a 10-minute snuggle time before bed. Take the time to see
how she’s feeling, perhaps by asking about what’s hard and what’s
fun about the new baby. If she expresses jealousy or anger, don’t
deny or discount those feelings. Instead, reassure her that you love
her and find ways to be her advocate. If the baby broke her favorite
toy, replace it and put her toys somewhere the baby can’t reach.
While having a new baby may require a period of adjustment for
your older child, having a sibling is a great gift. Older siblings
gain experience nurturing, teaching, and leading, while younger
siblings have someone to constantly watch and learn from. Even
when they’re bickering, they’re learning the art of negotiation,
compromise, problem solving, and how to work past painful
emotions. Through thick and thin, having a sibling means always
having a close friend.
JULY / AUGUST 2016
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