The new trend…stay-at-home dads
C
ontrary to popular belief, more fathers would like to stay
at home with the kids and let the mom be the breadwinner
of the family. Nationwide there are close to 2 million
stay-at-home dads and climbing, but the stay-at-home father is
still considered a rare specimen. As some dads assume more of the
primary child-rearing responsibilities, they face some very specific
challenges. Whether you’re a current stay-at-home dad or thinking
of becoming one, here are some helpful tips to make the tough job
of raising kids a little easier:
Be Proud of Your Decision
Many men who become the primary caregivers of their family are
reticent to call themselves “stay-at-home dads.” The sad truth is
that there are people who are quick to assume that a man staying at
home with his kids must be an “unemployed loser.” Being a stay-at-
home father can generate a number of unwanted responses ranging
from rude comments, to suspicion, to misplaced sympathy. Even if
it was a financial move or a lifestyle change, if you wear your title of
full-time dad proudly and unapologetically, people are more likely
to respect that. It becomes clear to them that you are choosing to do
this instead of being forced to. It also shows your kids that you love
being with them and that your role is nothing to be ashamed of.
Discuss Non-Childcare Related
Duties With Your Partner
It’s natural that the primary caregiver will carry a larger share of
the household responsibilities. Kids make crazy messes and part of
caring for them is cleaning up after them, cooking their meals, and
doing their laundry. However, being the caregiver isn’t the same as
being the housekeeper. Try to share the tasks that aren’t part of the
day-to-day childcare with your spouse as equally as possible. Decide
who will be doing the general cleaning, the laundry for the adults of
the house, the grocery shopping, the cooking of evening/weekend
meals, etc. It’s really important that you and your partner are on the
same page in this regard to avoid any resentments or arguments.
Connect with Other Fathers and Parents
The struggles of stay-at-home dads are exactly the same as stay-at-
home moms. The isolation and loss of identity, the insecurity, and
feelings of not being a financial contributor are just a few of the
many battles. In some respects, parenting can be a thankless job.
Having a community of stay-at-home dads helps with the success
and happiness of the stay-at-home parent. Whatever worries or scary
or joyous thoughts you’re having about being a dad, others have had
them too. Getting another man’s perspective will help you make
sense of things, and your perspectives will help them too. You might
feel like you’re the only stay-at-home father in your area, but chances
are, you’re not alone. Check out the Find A Dad Group page on the
National At-Home Dad Network’s site, or put the word out at your
church or your pediatrician’s office or on Facebook. If you don’t feel
comfortable joining a group, try to make regular contact with other
dads.
Of course, you don’t have to limit your support system to just
dads. Moms are more likely to have a plethora of resources and
support available to them. There are plenty of mothers who will
love what you’re doing, speak up on your behalf, and make you feel
welcome.
Make It Your Own
As the primary caregiver you have the opportunity to put your
unique stamp on activities. Let your interests and personality spill
over into simple, everyday moments. Who says superheroes can’t
attend tea parties? If you love sports, take your kids to a local ball
game or visit a sporting goods store and have the kids help you try
out your favorite sports equipment. If you love the outdoors, find a
nature preserve or state park where you and your kids can hike. You
can even pack a lunch and make a picnic of it. Just because they’re
kids doesn’t mean you have to limit yourself to only children’s
places. No matter where you go or what you choose to do, more
than likely your kids will take an interest in what you love as well.
You might even gain a partner in your hobby!
Old views die hard, but the truth of the matter is that being a
nurturing caregiver has no gender distinctions. A father can do
everything that a mother can do, and to your kids, having a dad
around will be normal. They’ll just be happy to be home with you
instead of going to after school childcare like their friends. So
have fun and soak up as much quality time with your kids
as you can. In the blink of an eye they’ll be all grown up!
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