manners MATTER
BY KAREN LA CORTE
Where have all our manners gone?
H
Karen La Corte is an etiquette
and manners expert trained
and certified by the Emily Post
Institute in Vermont. She has
been teaching etiquette and
manners to children and adults
for over thirty years. She is also
a certified image and fashion
consultant. Karen is happy
to answer any personal eti-
quette or image questions you
may have by emailing her at
[email protected]
70
ave we lost the basic principles of
etiquette, which are Consideration,
Respect, and Honesty? In this
new age of “it’s all about me,” it’s difficult
to assume that folks actually care about the
feelings of others. You might even say that
we have become a very selfish and plastic
society. But, deep down do we still feel that
although our outer appearance is important,
it’s what’s inside that really counts? Reality
TV seems to be the entertainment of choice,
our dress code is getting more casual by the
day, and our manner of speaking is some-
times rather sharp, critical and judgmental.
Are manners still relevant in society today? I
say yes and more than ever. Over the years,
I have seen a lot of changes in our culture.
But, one thing remains the same: Manners
do matter.
In my quest for distinction between
manners and etiquette, I had the great
opportunity of attending the Emily Post
Institute in Vermont in 2013. Emily Post
wrote a book about etiquette in 1922 when
she was 50 years old. It became the second
best-selling non-fiction after the Bible.
Eighteen editions were published over the
next 94 years. Prior to writing about eti-
quette, Emily wrote romance novels about
the turn of the century. She wrote stories
of women getting married, divorced, or
widowed and their lives in society or in
Europe. The success of her first etiquette
book was due to the fact that it spoke to the
burgeoning middle class of America that was
mushrooming as a result of the industrial
revolution and the migration of people from
rural areas to urban and suburban areas. It
was an era of increased wealth and leisure
time. This first book on etiquette appealed
to the masses because it told people in prac-
tical, no-nonsense terms how to build rela-
tionships with their neighbors, new friends,
acquaintances, and work colleagues. It gave
people a roadmap to understand what to do
and what to expect people to do in return,
and people wanted to know that! The
Emily Post Institute was created in 1946
as a way to continue to promote etiquette
in America.
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
MARCH/APRIL 2016
Today, just as in 1922, etiquette
is really a means of building great
relationships. One day when Emily was
answering letters, she discovered over a
dozen questions about which fork a person
should use. Her frustration got the bet-
ter of her and she told her secretary to
write the people and say she didn’t care
which fork they used. Considering today’s
definition of etiquette, the fact is that it
doesn’t matter which fork you use, what
really matters is that you use a fork!
Etiquette is a big fancy word made up
of two parts. There are manners, lots of
them, in fact. “Please” and “thank you,”
holding doors, chewing with our mouths
closed, dressing appropriately, shaking
hands – these are important because they
give us confidence, allow our focus to be
on the substance of our interactions, and
they tell us what to do and what to expect
others to do in return. Plus, they’re nice.
But etiquette also expresses something
more, something we call “the principles
of etiquette.” These are Consideration,
Respect and Honesty — the three
qualities that stand behind all good
manners. They are timeless and cross
cultural boundaries, unlike manners,
which can change over time and differ
around the world.
Take for example the handshake, a
classic Western greeting. The handshake
is the manner. In ancient Rome, people
grasped forearms to greet one another;
in Asia many people bow when meeting.
These are all examples of manners. But
the idea that we shake hands, grasp
forearms, or bow to show respect and
welcome another person is both universal
and timeless. That’s the principle at work.
I am pleased to have this opportunity
to bring you my take on an array
of topics regarding the nuances of
today’s social graces including Business
Etiquette, Holidays and Celebrations,
Communication and Technology,
Image and more.
I hope you enjoy my new column.
gmhtoday.com