of your relationships, your career and
your heart depend on it.
marriage.
While addressing sensitive issues —
It takes courage to step out of your
where emotions can run high and
conversational comfort zone — to speak sensitivities deep — may never be
up and give voice to the things that
easy, the price you pay for avoiding an
truly matter to you. It takes courage to uncomfortable conversation far exceeds
make a stand for yourself or for those
the discomfort you feel in having it.
who can’t speak for themselves. And
it takes courage to say things that will
WHAT ISN’T TALKED OUT
make you vulnerable to judgement,
rejection or disappointing people you
GETS ACTED OUT
care for.
Issues that aren’t put on the table for
It’s why so many people choose to stay open discussion and debate, but left to
silent: their fear of speaking up about
fester, always find a way of expressing
what weighs them down exceeds their
themselves. It’s rarely constructive.
commitment to changing it.
More often, issues that aren’t talked
Too often we choose the certainty of an out end up being acted out as snide
issue remaining unaddressed because
remarks, subtle innuendos, passive
we’re afraid of the possibility of an
aggression, manipulation or the ‘silent
awkward conversation. Perhaps you’ve
treatment’. ‘No big deal’, we tell
walked that path yourself — choosing ourselves, ‘everyone does it’. But over
to step around an issue or pretend
time, the lack of oxygen turns petty
everything is fine when in fact you’re
grumbles into major grievances.
feeling upset, alone, hurt, frustrated,
resentful or outright angry. If so, you
People walk out of their jobs or their
aren’t alone.
marriages. Or, short of physically
leaving, they emotionally and mentally
‘Oh, I could never do that,’ Vanessa
check out. It exacts a steep toll on their
said to me when I suggested that she
performance and relationships, as well
speak to her boss about how she felt she as their happiness and health.
was constantly being passed over for
promotional opportunities.
Medical research has shown a higher
incidence of heart disease and other
‘We don’t have those kinds of
serious conditions in people who have
conversations,’ Debbie confided after
felt resentment for extended periods of
I suggested she speak to her husband
time.
about how isolated she felt in her
GLOSS JUNE 2015 65