GAZELLE MAGAZINE WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH EDITION | Page 84

WELLNESS & WELL-BEING
LINDSAY WALDEN, 34
Therapist
82
GAZELLE
I
had a boyfriend in high school and
into my first year of college. It was an
abusive relationship in a lot of ways,
but I didn’t see that then. He didn’t
stay at my place very often, but we
lived in the same apartment complex behind
campus. One night, a friend of his was in from
out of town and was staying in his place, so my
boyfriend stayed with me. I remember exactly
what I was wearing when I got into bed, and
I had a barrier of body pillows between us. I
was a virgin and not interested in changing
that status, and he knew this. I always took a
glass of water to bed with me, and this night
was no different. I went into the bathroom,
and when I came back, I remember thinking
it tasted weird, but I didn’t think much of it
at the time.
I fell asleep fully clothed and alone on my
own side of the bed, but I woke up without
any clothes on, except my socks. I was so cold,
but I remember feeling my socks. I passed out
again, and I woke up the next time to feel him
raping me, but I couldn’t move. My arms and
legs felt like they were so heavy, and I passed
out once more. When I woke up again, I was
able to pull away, flip around and cover up.
He tried to tell me I was having a bad dream,
but I knew that wasn’t true. Then he told
me I was no longer a virgin, and that we had
sex for the first time. I was confused because
I didn’t remember it, except a few flashes as
I was waking up. We had a surprise party to
go to for my mom’s birthday, and he left my
apartment to go get ready. I took the longest
shower I can ever remember taking, and I
tried to convince myself it was OK.
I stopped sleeping. I would be so
uncomfortable in my apartment bedroom
that I started staying in the small living room. I
fell into a depression that I didn’t understand.
It wasn’t until later that I sought therapy to
make sense of what happened to me. Once I
was able to understand the reality of what I
went through, I wanted to help others heal,
too. That’s how I came to be a therapist.