FAMILY & HOME
Learn to Ask for
What You Want
By Donald Broughton
A
gain and again, I am asked “How did you get that?”
“How did you get that to happen?” “How did you
manage to convince them to…?” And again and again,
the answer is, “I asked.”
Often the truthful answer is, “I asked and asked
and asked, and asked again, and did not stop asking until I received the
answer I wanted.”
Babies call it “crying,” sales people call it “closing,” business executives
call it “getting things done.” I can get anybody on the phone - at least
anyone who is alive. Eventually, even Bill Gates or Warren Buffett will
call me back at least once, if only to tell me to leave their administrative
assistant alone.
Before you stop reading, this isn’t an article on assertiveness training.
Instead, this article is pointing out something about which all of us
need to be reminded. You are born into this world naked, with nothing.
Everything you accumulate from that point on is acquired by asking.
A baby cries when it’s hungry or needs to be changed. A child asks
countless questions, begging for someone to explain the world to them.
High school students ask to be admitted to the college of their choice.
A recent college graduate asks for a first job out of school. Perhaps men
learn to ask for what they want earlier because they have more societal
pressure to learn it (i.e., a young boy learns to ask a girl out; a young
man asks for a young woman’s hand in marriage). But in order to create
wealth, you have to learn to ask.
It is easy to point out the disparities in income between men and
women and blame it on discrimination. And I’m sure that is a factor
in some workplaces, but in my firm and in the businesses of everyone
I do business with, “We will hire, promote and pay anyone who can
get the job done and help us grow our business. Anyone!” I don’t care
what direction you pray in, or where your ancestors came from, or what
turns you on. After all, if you are an executive with any vision, you have
zero tolerance for prejudice of any kind and are instead focused on the
finding and developing of the people who can get the job done.
That said, in all the years of having people report to me at my
current firm and at all my former firms, the men would always come
into my office and ask for raises. Every year, they would make their
case, outlining all of their accomplishments (some that I might have
overlooked). Every year, they list out why their base salary should be
48
GAZELLE STL
increased, and why they had earned a much larger bonus. In all of this
time, very rarely did women do the same. It always puzzled me why this
was the case. It was especially puzzling because it was the single easiest,
risk-adjusted way to boost their income to increase their wealth.
Let’s play out what happens when the men ask and the women
don’t. Let’s say there are two equally deserving people, Bob and
Barbara. Bob asks for a raise; Barbara doesn’t. Bob and his list of
accomplishments are listed right in front of me. I have limited amounts
of funds to allocate, and while Barbara may still get a raise, Bob’s will
be bigger, just because he asked and documented it. Next year, the
process is repeated, and it gets worse. If I give them both an equivalent
percentage raise, Bob’s is still bigger. After a couple of years, it gets
even worse. I’m paying Bob more, so I ask him to do more - require
more of him (and I feel less guilt about piling it on him. I am, after all,
paying him more), which puts him in a better position for the next big
promotion. Fair? Not at all, but it is the way the world works.
I know that many women are very good at asking themselves
questions, but not very good at asking others questions. And the
tougher the questions become, the more difficult it is for all of us to
ask. I don’t know why most women don’t ask. Is it the way they are
trained or the way they are wired? Is it the fear of rejection or the fear
of being told no? I don’t know. What I do know is that those who learn
to ask (male or female) have an advantage over those who don’t ask. In
order to build wealth, you have to learn to ask. Your requests should be
documented, calm, succinct, and without emotion. The most successful
people I know are always asking questions about all aspects of their
lives. You have to learn to ask, be told no, and then ask again. Learn
to get less than what you wanted without becoming disappointed or
discouraged. But whatever you do, learn to ask, and then ask again.
As founder and managing partner at Broughton
Capital, Donald is a frequent guest on CNBC,
Nightly Business Report, and Fox. He is regularly
quoted in The Wall Street Journal. Broughton
has been recognized as a top stock picker by The
Wall Street Journal, “Fortune,”“Zacks” and
“StarMine.”