LOVE & ROMANCE
Love Connections
T
he upcoming wedding of Britain’s Prince Harry and
American actress Meghan Markle has many of us feeling
wistful, believing in the possibility of finding our own
special someone.
Online dating has helped many couples find true love.
But for those who are reluctant to try it, here are some helpful tips
from life coach and former divorce attorney and mediator Judith Joshel,
author of the book, “Where Are the Good Guys? The Single Woman’s
Guide to Meeting Quality Men Offline.”
1. If you really want to meet your Mr. Right, your best chance to connect
with him is to be open to the possibility during every waking hour
of your life. Keep your man radar on as you go about your life each
day. Just say no to looking at your phone or laptop when you’re in
public. There are good single men everywhere, but if your eyes are
on your screen, you may not even notice the cute guy in line behind
you at Starbucks. And no matter how attracted he is to you, he won’t
try to strike up a conversation if you are occupied, because he won’t
want to interrupt you.
2. Shift your usual mindset from being preoccupied with lists, thoughts
and worries to a state of “Radically Open Curiosity.” In that state,
you will be fully in the moment, noticing everyone and everything
around you with curiosity and openness. It is fun, and it’s
also amazing what you will start to notice. Add to that an attitude of
warm friendliness toward those around you, and you’ll find yourself
becoming more magnetic to people, and you will also become more
interested in them. From time
to time, some of these people
will be quality single guys you
may want to date. Some may be
women who know a great guy for
you, and who would be happy to
introduce you.
3. Create strategies for how you’d
like to meet quality single guys.
Consider broad strategies like
going to places where a lot of men
gather, such as sports bars for
Monday Night Football and car
shows. Consider participating
in activities that attract many guys like golf and working out at the
gym. Narrow strategies focus on places and activities where men
with specific interests can be found. For example, a guy who is an
animal lover may be a volunteer who is training dogs for the blind
or rescuing injured wildlife. To meet guys with these interests, you’ll
want to check out venues where they may be volunteering. Open
environments like festivals, wedding receptions, waiting rooms
and lines (anywhere) provide natural opportunities to talk to those
around you. When you’re in an open environment, remind yourself to
be aware of attractive guys nearby, and be willing to smile and say hi
to them.
4. Before online dating came on the scene, it was common to network
with friends, relatives and others you know as a powerful way to get
introduced to great guys. And here’s a little secret: It still is! You can
do strategic networking by making a list of everyone you can think
of, from your present and your past, who may know a great guy that
is just right for you. Gradually contact those who are fans of yours
to ask for an introduction if they know anyone who may be a good
match for you. “Where Are the Good Guys?” gives you a blueprint on
how to have these conversations in a way that will feel comfortable
to you.
5. Do you have to feel instant chemistry to be interested in dating a guy?
You may have a specific picture of how your Mr. Right will be - his
appearance, his personality, his education, his career, etc. - and you
may be dead wrong. Here’s a surprising fact: Many women in very
happy marriages were not at first attracted to the guy they ended up
marrying. They thought he was a good guy, took a little time to get
to know him, and gradually began to feel chemistry toward him. This
happens much more often than you might think. So don’t reject a good
guy who treats you well and is very taken with you just because you
don’t feel instant chemistry. That chemistry may or may not develop
over time, but if you reject him instantly, you’ll never know, and you
may have rejected a guy who would have been just right for you.
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