FAMILY & HOME
The Cover of the Book has been Filtered
ACCEPT IT ; THEN ACCEPT WHAT ’ S UNDERNEATH
By Donald Broughton
We have all heard the axiom , “ You can ’ t judge a book by its cover .”
While that is a decent truth of which we all need to be reminded of on occasion , most of us fall victim to making intuitive snap judgments because sometimes they are very accurate .
Malcom Gladwell wrote an entire book called “ Blink ” - which I highly recommend - on trusting and training our intuitive judgment . That said , in an era in which almost every selfie is the best of several pictures taken , and is most likely filtered or enhanced , the book really shouldn ’ t be judged by its cover !
I get it . Sometimes when you see a mangy , flea-bitten dog ( or MFBD ), your avoidance of the animal because you don ’ t want to get fleas is warranted . Indeed , the poor animal may be in desperate need of love , food and a bath . With the right care and attention , the MFBD may become the most loving , loyal family pet , but it may also be out on the streets for a reason . It may be rabid . It may bite you . It may bite someone you love . That is why most of us looking to adopt a stray are probably wiser to go to the local Humane Society or rescue shelter .
I travel for business constantly , and gather the soap and toiletries from the hotel rooms I stay in . I routinely buy bags of white athletic socks from a discount retailer , a bag of apples from the grocery store , a box of granola or energy bars , and toothpaste and toothbrushes from the drugstore .
When I see someone holding a cardboard sign asking for help , I hand them a care package of toiletries that includes tooth care with a new pair of socks , an apple and a granola bar . I look them in the eye . I engage them . I explain what is in the package and ask them if there is anything else they need . They almost always say , “ Thank you so much . No , no , nothing else . This is great .” I have had them spontaneously begin crying . I have had them sit down on the sidewalk , remove their shoes , and put on the fresh socks . Occasionally they will ask for money , and I may give them a few dollars or spare change , but I ’ m always afraid of enabling a drug or alcohol addiction , and my intuitive judgment knows that is a real possibility .
I ’ m also opening myself to the possibility that “ There but the grace of God , go I .” I have worked hard and overcome many challenges in my life , but I have also been very lucky and incredibly blessed .
We live in an era in which we routinely only see the most positive side of people . We only see the cover of the book . We see carefully taken pictures that have been filtered and enhanced to show the person we are viewing in the best possible light . Even if they had a cell phone , homeless people wouldn ’ t post pictures of themselves panhandling .
We see the gourmet meal on Instagram , but we never see the extra weight on the scale or the indigestion from eating or drinking too much . I admit it - I ’ m guilty . I ’ m far more likely to share a victory in my life or a beautiful sunset than I am to share a defeat or something ugly about myself . That creates a lack of humility in me , and that is dangerous . Looking at all the other beautiful things that all the other beautiful people are doing might also lead me to believe that they don ’ t struggle or fail , or even smell bad when they don ’ t shower . That would be an equally big mistake .
Building spiritual wealth is dependent upon accepting ourselves . It is dependent on accepting and taking responsibility for our own failures . If we don ’ t , we are destined to continue to repeat those mistakes .
Often , we are ashamed or unable to let others see our faults , but it is important that we do so . People can ’ t help you with your problems if you aren ’ t willing to share them . Let them see what is beneath the cover . When you begin to allow others to see those shortcomings , the response will surprise you , and will very often be , “ I ’ m so glad you shared that ! I ’ m having the same problem ,” or “ I used to struggle with that , and this is what I did ,” or even just , “ Wow ! Thank you for being real !”
Building spiritual wealth is also dependent upon accepting the flaws in others . We can ’ t help our friends and family if we see them as perfect , they don ’ t let us see their flaws , and we aren ’ t willing to accept them and love them anyway . If we see the homeless person as someone to be ignored , then we can ’ t give them aid . If we fear the MFBD , then it can ’ t become the loving pet curled up in front of the fireplace in your family room .
As founder and managing partner of Broughton Capital , Broughton is a frequent guest on CNBC , “ Nightly Business Report ” and Fox . He is regularly quoted in The Wall Street Journal , where he is also recognized as a top stock picker , as he is by Fortune , Zacks and StarMine .
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