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sounds like some kink thing, but Daddy’s are just
adults with shotguns that work to drop you out
of the sky. If all this sounds a little like Choplifter
you’re not far off. The only thing is that the
original Choplifter does it a bit better on pretty
much every level. That’s not to say that Cooking
Witch doesn’t work, it just doesn’t offer
anything new or worthwhile.
What is more strange than anything is how
poorly Cooking Witch sometimes runs. There
are forum posts on how to tweak the quality
settings on a game that wouldn’t even stress the
original Nintendo Entertainment System.
Whenever you pick up kids (awkward thing to
type out) the game slows down to a crawl when
you get near your cauldron. I blame this on the
giant cauldron not fitting into the overall game
as it looks like a 3D model spewing all sorts of
effects. I also have no idea what the witch is.
Look at the screenshot above and tell me what
that thing looks like.
GAMBIT
There are also no real physics in the game, only
the illusion of it. You can pull a child across the
map and it will shift how you might imagine, but
as soon as you let go all momentum stops amd
they will fall straight down wherever you are,
like a pair of concrete shoes in the Hudson. You
also are on a time limit so games are going to
pass pretty quickly, and you can expect to play
dozens of matches to unlock upgrades for the
same stage.
Cooking Witch might only be $1.99 on Steam,
but there are dozens upon dozens of free mobile
games that look and play better than this one.
It’s not terrible game, just very amateurish. I
think an understanding of color clashing would
have really done wonders for this little indie
title. It might make for a few minutes of fun, but
it’s a hard pass on Steam, a platform where you
can find lots of quality titles for that price during
any given sale.
- Miles Hamilton