Forward Movement Magazine SUMMER ISSUE 2016 | Page 50

I LOVED FOOD. IN
AN UNHEALTHY
WAY. IT WAS
GLUTTONY AND
IT WAS NOT OKAY.
FOOD WAS AN
ADDICTION THAT I
DIDN’T EVEN
KNOW I WAS
CONSUMED BY,
BEACAUSE I WASN’T
A “BIG GIRL”

(gag) and ground turkey (gross) and more salads
than made sense (yuck).  My plan had no wiggle
room really.  It was like a self-inflicted prison for
me.  I complained and whined and whimpered
and cried actual tears.  It was like a constant
episode of Fear Factor where they eat sheep’s
balls.  Why am I doing this?  Do I hate myself?  Is
this worth it?  Will it even pay off?  12 asparagus
spears, are you serious?!
What I learned goes beyond the plate.  I loved
food.  In an unhealthy way.  It was gluttony and
it was not okay.  Food was an addiction that I
didn’t even know I was consumed by, because I
wasn’t a “big girl.”  I had myself fooled.   Going to
restaurants and parties and events were all about
the menu for me.  Sugar and starch made me happy; vegetables and meat made me angry.  I want
what I want!  I had to learn to die to self.  That God
could get me through this obsession with food
that I never realized I had.  I am still dying to self. 
I still struggle with wanting foods that bring that
“high” or that comfort.  It’s a process, a journey. 
That week of torture was worth it.  I was refining my body, a machine that God designed to function properly.  I couldn’t believe
it: I was already starting to CRAVE salads and sweet potatoes
for crying out loud.  I still daydreamed about Doritos, sure, but
I knew that my pants shrink if I continued. By the time I reached
a month of this, I saw results and healthy eating had become a
habit!
Where are you on your food adventure?  Are you lusting after the forbidden?  Are you repulsed by boxed macaroni and
cheese?  Somewhere in between? I want you to be encouraged
that change is possible.  We can break old habits.  The cycle can
stop any time we want.  Our next meal is our “on track” meal. 
Our screw-ups are simply bumps in the road toward food freedom.  I am no longer in bondage to brownies.  I may still ache
for them sometimes, but they don’t have as firm a grip on me.  I
value myself and my body. You can do this!
While a part of this is superficial and I don’t want to expand
my wardrobe with larger sized clothes, a bigger part is wanting
to feel better (feeling sluggish sucks).  An even bigger part is
wanting to not use junk food to fill voids in my life.  I don’t want
food to be my anti-depression fix.  I don’t want food to undo my
boredom.  I don’t want food to dry my tears. You too can find a
healthy relationship with food, and break the addiction.

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