Last year, after our third unsuccessful round of IVF and a period working hard over long hours I found I couldn't think straight or read the words on my screen. For the first time in my life I was suffering from a mental health condition and the symptoms were as real as any physical illness I have had.
Over the last 12 months I have adjusted my life and greatly recovered. I've worked hard at resting. I've talked to those close to me. I've found more time for myself and for the things that are most important to me. And most important to me now is that my wife and I are expecting our first baby. It's wonderful news and I am incredibly excited. However there is a weight of expectation that comes with that, from both myself and others; an expectation that becoming a father will take all my worries away and that I will now always be happy. But it doesn't work like that. The wonderful news of pregnancy doesn't instantly remove the grief, loss and hurt of previous failed attempts at IVF. It doesn't take anxiety or stress away. I still struggle at times but that doesn't mean I'm not excited, it just means that mental injuries take time to heal. Sometimes I just feel awful and how I am won't always match how others expect me to be.
If you are an expectant or recent dad and you are not feeling how the books and movies tell you you should be feeling, cut yourself some slack. There is a lot of pressure on you already so don't put any more on yourself. You are not alone in thinking how you do and you need support. The type of help you need will depend on you and your circumstances. I started my recovery by giving myself some time and space, by talking to my loved ones and reaching out to the wealth of information and advice out there. Things will get better in time and with the right support. Look after yourself...
Anon
When You Don't Feel How You're Supposed to Feel...
NCT continues to research and campaign on
mental health issues. You can read many published works
at www.nct.org.uk/professional/research/public-health/mental-health. Time To
Change, a campaign led by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness, have suggestions on
their website for changing how we think and react to mental health problems, in order
to reduce the stigma that so often prevents those experiencing problems from seeking help.