It was lovely
that she quite simply said “I’m sorry to
hear you lost a baby” and went on to ask his name, and let me talk about him. When we had chatted for a while, she even thanked me for telling her. It was only later that I realised that I should have thanked her for listening.
When I corrected her and said it was his brother, my son matter-of-factly said “Yes, my brother who died.” It was lovely that she quite simply said “I’m sorry to hear you lost a baby” and went on to ask his name, and let me talk about him. When we had chatted for a while, she even thanked me for telling her. It was only later that I realised that I should have thanked her for listening.
to ‘Do you just have the two?’ these days is often sufficient.
However, a discussion about anything from children’s names to birth experiences or a more specific question, such as ‘Is he your first?’, will often lead to me referring to Isaac. Before they know it, whether a potential new friend or relative stranger, the person I am talking to is faced with their own internal debate as to whether they continue the conversation, move it on or even walk away.
Personally, I respect that
everyone has their own way of responding to the sort of answer I might give, and if they want to talk about something a little easier or walk away, that’s fine. Previously I would have probably been the one to move the conversation on.
But parents who have lost a child have so little opportunity to talk about their precious little one, and for him or her to be acknowledged. So, if a friend or newbie has chosen to share this important information with you, I would encourage you to let them tell you more.
A visitor to my house recently mentioned a baby picture, which she thought was of my 4 year old.