The Family Law Company by Hartnell Chanot has been serving fire service personnel and their families for over 20 years helping them to resolve their marital disputes in a non confrontational way .
Q . How do you tell your children you are splitting up ?
Q . Who should tell the children ?
Q . How should you tell the children ?
Q . What should you say ?
Q . How much should you tell them ?
The Family Law Company by Hartnell Chanot has been serving fire service personnel and their families for over 20 years helping them to resolve their marital disputes in a non confrontational way .
Rachel Buckley from The Family Law Company outlines ways of telling your children that you are separating - one of the most difficult conversations a parent can face .
LAW
Q . How do you tell your children you are splitting up ?
A . There is no easy way to tell your children and there are no hard and fast rules - every family is different and much will depend on the relationship between family members before the separation . However , there are steps you can take to make the whole experience as positive as it can be .
Q . Who should tell the children ?
A . This depends on the relationship between you and your ex-partner . If you are still amicable , it is beneficial to tell the children together . Encourage them to come to either of you with their individual concerns afterwards and to speak to you both separately if they wish .
Q . How should you tell the children ?
A . There is no ‘ right ’ way to tell children you are separating and bear in mind you may feel nervous , upset and confused . If possible , tell them gradually , and not at the last minute . They will need time to adjust to the news and will want to talk more about it with you . Try to avoid the beginning of school term or GCSE exams , even bedtimes or when children are tired . Choose a time when you know you can stay with them for as long as they need you to .
Q . What should you say ?
A . You may be tempted to say as little as possible in order to spare your children ’ s feelings , but then they may try to fill in the gaps themselves . Explain what is happening in an open and honest way . Although they may be devastated by the news , it is important not to give children false ideas to make them feel better . If you tell them that nothing will change , they may be temporarily reassured , but then discover that actually everything is going to change . This could cause confusion and even resentment .
Q . How much should you tell them ?
A . Try to keep things clear and brief . Don ’ t explain the complex reasons behind the separation and avoid criticising your ex-partner , which may make your children feel they have to take sides . Most importantly , let your children know it is not their fault . You might want to suggest that although a grown-up ’ s love for another can change , a parent ’ s love for their child is forever . Children can think that if mum and dad have stopped loving each other , you will stop loving them . Reassure them that this will never be the case .
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