with waving and laughing , one woman said , “ I saw you on TV this morning !” Coupled with the thrill of my shrinking body and the amazement that someone was watching the cable access channel , I began the concert , singing my heart out .
A skinny , elderly man on a walker came in , I ’ d never seen him before , but he was singing along and praising the Lord . As the concert drew to a close I gave out CDs , and gave one to the elderly gentleman who accepted it cheerfully . While chatting the elderly man asked me why my first CD was called , Everything . Not wanting to drown in a past of sorrows I explained that I had been desperately in love with a man I had wanted to marry but unfortunately he didn ’ t feel the same way . In the midst of my crippling pain the Lord asked me if this man was everything to me , or was it Him , the one who had given up His life for me . It was this experience that led me to write the song , Everything , and it was this song that my ministry was founded on .
After giving the abbreviated version of the most painful time of my life I intended to sing one last song , but before I could begin the elderly man asked , “ Did he not want to marry you because of your weight ?”
Pausing to think about his question , I didn ’ t know how to respond , he ’ d rendered me speechless .
At the time I was being rejected I never stopped and said , “ Hey man I love ,
“
He replied , “ You ’ re a beautiful woman , if you lost weight you ’ d be a stone cold fox .”
”
do you not want me cause I ’ m a big girl ?”
Maybe I thought it at the time but the concept of him not wanting me because of my weight seemed strange at that moment . Secondly , if I began to ponder that question , if I did not take that thought captive right then , my new self image would have smashed and cracked like thin ice breaking from someone ’ s weight , and I would ’ ve found myself cold and broken again . But that wasn ’ t an option ; I loved myself too much at that moment to be buried by somebody else ’ s big girl issues regardless if they were from my past or sitting in front of me old enough to be my grandfather .
I looked at that gentleman and said , “ I don ’ t know why he didn ’ t want me . At this point it doesn ’ t matter .”
He replied , “ You ’ re a beautiful woman , if you lost weight you ’ d be a stone cold fox .”
His words caused an uproar ! Those little old ladies who faithfully attended each concert started to berate him , telling him to keep his opinions to himself while informing me that I was perfectly fine . I knew that this was a test . Was my self esteem anchored in Christ , did I see myself as He saw me or was I going to crumble because this old man implied I wasn ’ t good enough because of my size and I had probably lost the man I loved because I simply was to fat ?
That old guy kept talking , “ Skinny , just my preference .”
To the amazement of