Femme Plus January 2017 | Page 37

fertility medicine given daily through a shot in the stomach, you hopefully will grow 2-3 mature eggs, instead of your average 1, that they will schedule you to ovulate through another shot in the stomach, and then inseminate you with your husbands best swimmers. Giving you a better chance of one egg fertilizing, sticking, and growing into a healthy baby. I know, all of a sudden Cinderella’s problems didn't seem like much at all. Really Ariel? Your a mermaid and the love of your life is a human?Awwww…you poor thing. Pshh!

3 months, 2 IUI’s, and 42 shots in the stomach later, we got the news we had be hoping for, we were pregnant!! Finally! Whew! “ I mean, you had me scared there for a minute Lord. You must have wanted us to take the detoured route happily ever after. Almost a year later and still no baby? I was beginning to question if you were really paying attention Lord.”

A couple weeks later we went in for our 8 week ultrasound, just praying to see a healthy growing little baby with a beautiful heart beat. Well multiply that by 3 and thats what we got. Yep, surprise! Its triplets! THREE! Three tiny little humans were growing inside of me. Just let that sink in for a second. Shocked, excited, thankful, scared, flabbergasted! That can pretty much sum up the emotions I was feeling. I remember just being so incredibly thankful and almost had this sigh of relief that God didn't fail me. That HE finally listened to me and then did exceedingly and abundantly like HE promises. Nothing could top how happy we were. Our happily ever after had taken some crazy twists and turns, but us and God were finally on the same page. Or so we thought.

Like clock work, 7 days later we went in for

be awake, a family member reached out to me via email and asked me how I was doing. Planning on just ignoring it like I did the rest of the world it came with a follow up email that stopped me dead in my tracks. “ I know you must be angry, confused, frustrated and frankly pissed at God. But I want you to know that HE can take it. HE can take you yelling at him, screaming at him, cussing at him, whatever it is you are feeling… HE can take it. Let HIM know.” It wasn't more than a couple days later when I was driving home from the grocery store that I literally felt this ball of anger filling up inside of me. I had to pull my car over and just let God had it. I don't think I have ever in my life yelled at someone as much as I did HIM that day. I screamed, cried, cursed, I mean I completely lost it. I let it all out to the point where I couldn't catch my own breath. And you know what God told me after I felt I had ripped him a new one? “Im glad you are talking to me.” And I just sobbed. Boogers dripping, drool hanging, I just hung my head and sobbed. It was in that moment I felt Gods presence that I had been wrestling with for 2 years. I felt the presence of the Lion, that stood there strong and tough and just let me beat on him in every which way because my heart needed it. And then moments later I felt the presence of the Lamb that curled up next to me and allowed me to feel his gentleness.

Its been almost 3 and 1/2 years since my children passed away and one thing I remember my pastor saying to me is that one day it will all make sense. And while I still don't exactly know how to make sense of it all, I do know this. I have been able to help more women in these past 3 and 1/2 years that I ever have in my entire life. Women struggling with infertility, women going through miscarriages, losing their babies to stillbirths, SIDS, I mean you name it. I remember going through the loss of my babies and I had no pillar of strength, I had no one to help tell me what to do or guide me on how to feel. At least I thought I didn't. I thought I had some how out smarted God by staying asleep and ignoring him, but tsk tsk tsk. Not at all.

It almost embarrasses me to think about my behavior after my children passed away. I read these stories in the bible like Sarah and Abraham, which Ive read plenty of times before but yet now I am really able to put myself in their shoes. And I think about how much faith they had in God, and how much patience! Sheesh! If only I could have a fraction of that.

Its not a glass slipper, a powerful sword, or a magic lamp that keeps me going everyday after losing my babies. Its faith. Its faith in knowing that the author of MY fairytale, never makes mistakes. Never has typos, never needs reprints, and doesn't use editors. Life is going to happen, you will be locked in the dungeon, you will get lost on your way to grandmothers house, and there will be fire breathing dragons to slay. Thats just the way life is. But you don't have to be locked away, helpless, lost, angry, broken, and scared all by yourself. You have an author who has not only written your fairytale, but is the knight in shining armor in the story as well. HE will protect you, HE will guide you, HE will comfort you and most importantly HE will restore your faith when you have none left.

So perhaps that o’l first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage thing didn’t exactly go as I had originally thought. And perhaps my fairytale doesn't read like Cinderella’s, Snow White’s, or even The Little Mermaid’s. But I have faith that remains unshakable and a trust in Gods plan that exceeds anything I could have ever imagined. And that to me, is greater than any happily ever after.

Naturally, like all fairytales after our wedding we became pregnant. Life was turning out exactly how God had written it in all those books I grew up reading

Naturally, like all fairytales after our wedding we became pregnant. Life was turning out exactly how God had written it in all those books I grew up reading

GREATER THAN HAPPILY EVER AFTER 37