Take a second to reflect on your friendship group. Is a large part of your bonding surrounding the criticism of others? If so, how does that make you feel about the friendship?
Instead, be the bigger person and make a stand. If a friend makes a judgmental comment, stick up for the person in question with a neutral statement. Try something like, “It's really not our place to comment. As long as she’s happy with herself, that’s what matters and that should be celebrated.”
Then, redirect the conversation to something else. As women, we have countless talents and skills to offer our communities. We owe it to ALL OF US not to use our time to dissect each other’s appearances. Of course, other people are autonomous individuals and open to continuing to criticise others, and that's out of your control. What you CAN choose to do is to stop, disengage and remove yourself from the situation if needed.
Diversify your sources of 'beauty'.
There are so many ways to be beautiful (and not all of them are exterior!) but when you look at a lot of the mainstream media that most of us consume, we see so little diversity. Even if you don’t consider that media has a huge impact on your personal perspective, those subtle cues to beauty (particularly around whitewashing and size standards) do start to infiltrate your subconscious idea of beauty and impact your personal bias. So, as you go about your day, stop and examine the sources that fuel your negativity and comparisons: women in magazines, on social media or even friends and family. Note the way your internal dialogue starts jumping from judgment to judgment, and take note of how automatically those nasty thoughts kick in. What would happen if you were to intercept those thoughts and appreciate diversity rather than thriving on comparison?
Instead, I invite you to notice something positive about everyone that you usually judge. Even if it's tough to think of something positive (and if you're finding it tough, that's a sign that you can benefit from this activity more than ever!), just give it a try. Perhaps someone seems super confident in themselves, or you might admire their sense of fashion. Whenever you feel those negative appearance-based thoughts popping up, counteract them with something positive. What can you learn from the person that you're judging?
It might feel awkward at first, but with time and repetition, it will become second nature.
It's really not our place to comment. As long as she's happy with herself, that's what matters and should be celebrated.
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