Far Horizons: Tales of Sci-Fi, Fantasy and Horror. Issue #12 March 2015 | Page 8

“Ok, so let’s start. Who is the leader of you?”
“I am!” the chorus of voices answered. I flinched as
their roar was almost deafening, my ears rang and my
stomach churned as the stench of their breath made me
want to retch. Then it hit me.
“Uhm, aren’t Hydra supposed to have toxic or acidic
breath?” I asked.
“Oh, so now she goes and insults us!” one of the heads
said snappishly. “Just because we don’t have access
to proper oral hygiene doesn’t mean we have bad
breath!”
“Speak for yourself!” another said, turning them into
a mass of bickering heads, snapping at each other.
One of the heads reached down and bit the offending
head off at the neck. I watched horrified as the bloody
stump healed itself and then budded two new heads.
“You insensitive asshole! Now we have another one
to deal with.” Bemoaned one of the heads. I had lost
track of who was whom by now, and it was made
worse with the introduction of a new head.
“You know how much that hurts? I should bite your
head off and see how you like it!” The head that had
been ‘cloned,’ as I guess you could call it, opened
its maw, revealing sharp, yellowing teeth. The head
moved forward on its serpentine neck and closed
around the neck of the one who had done the damage
in the first place. The other hydra heads all started
to shout at it again, except the new one, who looked
at itself in the water, humming “I Feel Pretty” from
Westside Story.
This was getting crazier by the minute.
I put two fingers to my mouth and whistled loudly,
finally getting their attention.

is no way for a self-respecting Hydra to behave! You
each have traits that are essential to the whole. All
you need to do is work out what they are. You do need
to eat, and yes, I’m certain that it is in your nature to
cause death and destruction wherever you go.” I started pacing, the wooden jetty beneath my feet creaking
as my weight shifted form decking plank to decking
plank.
“What you need to do is work together for the betterment of the whole, otherwise you’re going to have
more heads than you can all handle, especially if when
one is removed, two grow in place!”
The heads all looked at me, finally listening. They
each nodded in a symphony of heads, all except for the
new narcissistic one who was still humming Westside
Story numbers ad nauseam.
“Can we eat you now?”
“No, no, we will not eat you… but we will pay you.”
The creatures all agreed with this, and submerged
themselves under the salty water, drenching me as
they submerged.
I looked at the damaged beams and planks of the jetty.
I’d have to wait for low tide to shimmy down one of
the supports, no doubt. I would have my good jeans
in tatters and be sore and sorry for myself by the time
I got back to my tiny seaside apartment. I waited a
good hour before the sea bubbled and frothed with the
return of the Hydra. Two of the heads were carrying a
chest—an honest-to-god pirate-like treasure chest.
They dropped it onto the jetty, and the lock snapped
open with the expertly placed bite from one of the female heads. Spanish Doubloons shone amongst jewels
and other pretty sparkly things.
“Uh…” I said, intelligently. “Wow…”

“Ok, all of you just shut up.” I got to my feet, sick of
the bickering, and my head was beginning to pound
with a nice little headache.

“A small token of our appreciation,” the more eloquent
head said. “We are eternally grateful, and as such, we
will not destroy your little town here.”

“You lot are worse than a bunch of children. Now, this

“Gee… Thanks…” I said, still dumbfounded by the

PAGE 08