That ’ s what resiliency looks like for most people ; it ’ s our ability to suppress and hide the pain and trauma we ’ ve been through and to continue to keep living life . The moment we break down , stop moving and become bitter and angry everyone judges us and condemns us for exposing just how nonresilient we really are .
How am I able to still stand ? How have I been able to be so resilient ? How have I made it through with very few “ scars ”?
I look at my life at several points and don ’ t see the resiliency , the success the fighter spirit and wonder myself how and I still moving forward . The unhealthy relationship I have with my mother should have paralyzed me from being a mother . The way my children ’ s fathers have turned their backs on me and in some cases their children should have made me bitter , angry , and against all men . The fact that there was no one to give me a handout , hot meal , floor to sleep on or bag of groceries when I needed them the most should make me so tightfisted and uncharitable that people would call me Ebenezer Scrooge . Well first let ’ s be clear ! I have plenty of battle scars , but most are on my heart and soul . I learned to suppress all the emotions that were associated with the negative situations in my life . By suppressing the emotions , I ’ ve been able to hide the scars and prevent people from seeing how much I hurt .
But when you start to peel at the scabs and expose the scars in love with the intent of growing through what you ’ ve gone through , you begin to truly become resilient . One of my closest friends told me that my success isn ’ t measured in how much money I have or what material things I possess but in the strength I have and my ability to keep pressing forward in spite of everything . This is what resiliency really is . It ’ s the ability to work through , grow through , and learn from everything that was meant to harm , destroy , and kill you . I really am resilient because I have been willing to do the work to heal and not just cover up my scars . I ’ ve committed myself to no longer suppressing what has hurt me but instead gaining strength and knowledge from it . It is so easy to suppress and even easier to become angry and bitter because of things ; that ’ s why most people take either or both of these options , but it takes courage and strength to pick apart everything that ever hurt you and release it , learn from it and truly become resilient because of it . It ’ s like the old saying what doesn ’ t kill you makes you stronger ; this is totally true but only when you take the time to do the work to become stronger and better because of it .
Now , why and when did I stop suppressing and start growing and learning ? The moment I decided to accept the purpose for my life and truly become the Single Mom Sage . In that moment , I committed to turning my pain into purpose and helping other women to Stop Surviving and Start THRIVING ! Well I can only do that if I ’ m willing to learn my own lessons , if I am willing to stop surviving myself , if I ’ m willing to truly become resilient . Because I was so strongly committed to my purpose I did the work even when I didn ’ t want to . I knew that another woman needed me , that she was depending on me so I couldn ’ t give up or quit when it got hard . I stopped caring about how those who had hurt me would feel and started caring about how I felt and what I needed to heal . I stopped focusing on what they did to me and instead focused on what I did or didn ’ t do and what I could learn about myself from each situation .
FAITH HEART MAGAZINE I 33