immediately jump to conclusions
about what they did or why they
did it. Doing so will cause you to
lose any respect that they have
for you. Instead, take some time
to collect yourself and your emotions. Pray before discussing
the issue with them, asking God
for wisdom on how you should
handle it. Then, make sure you
hear their side of the story and
give them a chance to explain
themselves before deciding on
a punishment. You will be surprised at how big of a difference
this will make with them. If you
simply give them the chance to
speak for themselves in discipline situations, they will realize
that you’re trying to be respectful
to them, and will be more likely to
return that respect in the future.
Now, of course, all of these are
only suggestions. Every child
is different, and every child will
respond differently to things.
Some teenagers may not need
the strict boundaries that others
might. Some teenagers may
take advantage of your attempts
to show them respect and try
to manipulate you. As parents,
you know your child better than
anyone else, and you know
better than anyone else what
your child needs. Always keep
in mind that as the parent, you
are the one in control. But, if you
set boundaries with your teenage child that are founded on the
basis of respect for one another,
you will see a positive change in
your relationship with that child.
Implementing these boundaries
will make a difference in your
family. In fact, the entire dynamic
of your family will change. There
is an old saying that says, “If
you give respect, you will get
respect.” Even though it is a
little cliché, it is true. If you give
respect to your teenager, you will
be shocked at the respect you
receive back. There will be fewer
arguments between the two of
you, because your child will want
to obey you more. They won’t
willfully go against your rules as
much; they may even stop doing
it altogether. Then, as an additional benefit, your relationships
with your other children, particularly those younger than your
teen, will likely improve because
of the positive example your
older child has now set.
But, more than all of these, the
best benefit of having boundaries grounded in mutual respect
is the way that your relationship with your teenage child will
change. You will have the opportunity to strengthen your relationship with him or her in a way
you never would have g otten
to do before. Your relationship
with your child will deepen and
grow as you treat him or her with
respect for the maturing individual he or she is.
Teenagers can often be hard
to handle. They can be needy,
moody, and difficult. But, when
considering how to handle your
teenage child, remember the
stage of life that he or she is in.
Teenagers desperately want to
be adults, but they don’t know
how to get to that point yet. Parents can help them safely mature
into adulthood by giving them
respect when setting healthy,
Godly boundaries. Don’t give
them complete and total freedom. They aren’t ready for that,
and even if they think they can,
they can’t handle it yet. But, give
them respect while maintaining
your position as parent, and they
will respect you in return as they
grow into stable, mature young
adults.
Katie Hamilton is a high school
English teacher from Arkansas.
She loves God, her family, reading, and writing.