own part in the situation creates and emotional blackmail does
an integrity which will be so valu- not work, an important lesson for
able in adult life..
their future relationships.
well-adjusted confident adults,
enabling them to conform to
Christ as this scripture states:
Teenagers can be cruel and be
spiteful to their siblings, other
children, even to a parent.
Laughing scornfully and calling each other derisive names
is so damaging (and is in fact a
kind of bullying). This behaviour
is not acceptable. I know from
bitter experience that words can
damage a child’s confidence for
life. Often these verbal outbursts
are an expression of a child’s
internal conflicts, and someone just pressed their ‘hot buttons’ at the wrong time. In these
instances, parents once again
need to be gentle in spirit in their
own reactions when dealing with
conflicts. Parents should not
allow their child to get away with
insulting their spouse; we must
show loyalty and unity against
such disrespect. But it often
requires a quiet word rather than
an angry rebuke, and the need
for them saying ‘I am sorry’, so
resentment and bitterness does
not get a hold. Apologising to
your teen when we are at fault is
also only just and valuable.
Are we of one mind when it
comes to disciplining our unruly
teenager or making an important
decision that affects them? Children are masters at divide and
rule, often causing parents to
choose a side, which then causes
division and disunity. As we are
not always going to agree about
difficult issues, we need God’s
resources which are always at
hand. Take time to listen to each
other’s point of view and come to
an agreement that can then be
shared with the child. They may
not like your joint decision, but
they will learn that manipulation
Romans 12:2 ‘Do not conform to
the pattern of this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of
your mind. Then you will be able
to test and approve what God’s
will is—his good, pleasing and
perfect will.’
I remember how self-conscious
I was as a teenager, with acne,
growing from 5’ 2” at fifteen to
very skinny 6’ at sixteen; blushing
every time a pretty girl caught me
looking at them, and dealing with
two older siblings who teased me
to distraction. Who would want
to be a teenager? Even a boy
or girl who is the ‘ideal’ shape,
look, or height, who is great at
sport, bright in class and has lots
of friends, is not always content
with themselves. Our obsession
with physical beauty and attainment drives us to perform, to
only show the acceptable side
of our personality. Competitive
parents drive their children to
succeed and those children that
don’t ‘make the grade’ are seen
to be a disappointment especially if a sibling has attained
their parent’s / school’s /society’s
expectations.
How do we equip them to
make their own decisions?
Discovering your daughter is
pregnant, is news most parents’
dread the most, Dads especially
can become very angry and feel
ashamed of their child. He may
want to confront the father, and
may even reject his daughter. My
oldest daughter once asked us
what we would say if she came
home pregnant, my wife replied,
‘we look forward to having a
grandchild, but we prefer that
you wait until you marry someone first!’ So what if your teenage son tells you his girlfriend is
Maybe our own parents were pregnant? What does he or she
like this and handed down this want to do? Get married, have
poisoned chalice to us, so if we an abortion? What do the other
are not careful we can repeat parents say about this difficult
the same mistakes. Even our situation? Prayerful and loving
Christian leaders and commu- dialogue will help to bring calm
nities can be very driven and and space for the best decision
expect us to conform to their to be agreed upon.
idea of the ‘perfect Christian’. If
you recognise this in yourself or We as parents do our best to
your church culture, ask God His teach our children the highest
perspective. Just because you standards and help them underthink you fit into a certain ‘mould’ stand the difference between
of achievement, that does not right and wrong.
But many
mean your teen son or daughter causes for anxiety aren’t so
wants to be a carbon copy of you black and white, so learning to
or your Church’s expectations. make their own decisions can be
Do our prayers reflect the above fraught.
stereotypes or do we want our
children to value themselves for Jesus taught by example and
who they are, so they grow into by listening to what was on peo-