Faith Filled Family Magazine January 2017 - Page 70

joy into their life like no one else .
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “ Love is patient , love is kind . It does not envy , it does not boast , it is not proud . It is not rude , it is not self-seeking , it is not easily angered , it keeps no record of wrongs . Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth . It always protects , always trusts , always hopes , always perseveres .”
Love is never described as controlling , manipulating or possessive . These attributes are the result of fear , not love .
Love is trust . You have chosen one person in life to do forever with and you should be able to trust them above all others . More so should you trust the Father who created you and knows all about you .
Love doesn ’ t bring strife . Love brings peace . Fear has torment and all the worry , stress and suspicion can be wearing on a marriage .
POSSESSIVENESS
IS
NOT
LOVE
We can sometimes confuse possessiveness and love when really they are the exact opposite of each other . Let ’ s take a closer look into both love and jealousy .
The bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:7 “ love always protects , always trusts , always hopes , always perseveres .”
Love trusts ! We all run into insecurities in life but not allowing them to stop you is key . When you trust one another you can share those insecure moments with your spouse and entrust them to help you through because love is patient . In marriage you can share even your weaknesses with one another without putting the responsibility on them .
Love is selfless . Love is serving the one you love without manipulation and control . Holding on to someone too tightly will never cause them to love you more . It usually results into anger and resentment if it ’ s never healed .
1 John 4:18 “ There is no fear where love exists . Rather , perfect love banishes fear , for fear involves punishment , and the person who lives in fear has not been perfected in love .”
When someone succumbs to being controlling or possessive they can ’ t always see the prison they ’ re building for the one they love . They are consumed with fears which eventually brings strife , resentment and torment . Jealousy only reveals a person ’ s insecurities and fears and is usually masked as love but perfect love casts out fear .
The person who feels the need to possess their spouse is in fear and we know that fear brings bondage . Fear and love cannot coexist . If you have matured in your love from God it will manifest in the way you love your spouse . When fear is not allowed then you create a place for love to mature .
Sometimes we can view jealousy as a compliment but anyone who has experienced a possessive spouse understands how crippling it is to the marriage . In the beginning , you could view it as a deep love or even endearing but it is deeply rooted in fear . The bible tells us that fear brings torment and in a marriage that torment can destroy .
When a person feels they must hold so tightly to the other it may stem from existing fears and insecurities . Many people who have been abandoned in a previous marriage may have these tendencies to hold on tighter . Others who have been betrayed or even abandoned sometime in their lifetime will feel the need to control . There are many reasons but there are no excuses . God is the Healer of the heart .
HEALING OF THE HEART
It can be tormenting to the one being controlled but also to the one who doesn ’ t know how to stop controlling . The good news is that God understands and wants you to grow in the love He has for you . The way to healing starts with God . God is love and His love will cast away fear . When you believe that He loves you then you also believe He is your rear guard . He sees and protects and you no longer have to play investigator , spy or detective . You can ask Him to reveal what needs to be revealed and heal what needs to be healed . This doesn ’ t mean you pretend all is well but it does bring peace that God will always watch over all that concerns you . You can let go of control because you know that God has you in the palm of