Faith Filled Family Magazine January 2017 - Page 51
wired – that is the smooth integration of emotional and rational processes won ’ t be complete until the early ‘ 20 ’ s for girls and the late ‘ 20 ’ s for boys . Until then , trusting your instincts isn ’ t great advice .
Why do you believe girls are convinced that giving in to sexual behavior will make their relationship with their boyfriend better ? Well , just about everything around them is telling them that sex is awesome , amazing , and everyone is doing it . The media , their friends , and culture at large all lead young people to believe the sex is so great that it can make just about anything better . Girls in relationships also feel like it is the next logical step in the progression of a relationship . There is the first date , the first kiss , and having sex is just a natural extension of the series of firsts .
Why are love and sex the same to teens ? Teens know in their heads they are different things . They hear it in health classes all the time . That is good theoretical knowledge . But in practice , the two get confused .
For teenage boys , whose emotional depth is just emerging , they don ’ t really feel love so the great feelings of sex are easily confused with love . For girls , having sex makes them feel connected to the other person in a powerful way that might masquerade as feelings of love . Girls cannot understand that what they are feeling is not what boys are feeling .
Why do young people get involved in rebound relationships ? It ’ s the fastest way to make pain go away . The problem is that pain is still there , it ’ s just hidden by a new relationship . In time , that pain will need to be dealt with . The bill of emotional pain always gets paid … it ’ s just a matter of when .
What are the potential risks associated with “ serial dating ”? Why are some young people drawn to the idea of dating multiple people ? Does “ serial ” mean dating them all at once ? I believe the most substantial risk of serial dating is the loss of self that occurs . If a person goes from relationship to relationship they begin to see themselves as the byproduct of a relationship – not a fully independent Godmade being . That loss of self can metastasize into dependence and open the door for abuse .
Why are some young people drawn to the idea of dating multiple people ? I think it is our brain wiring . We are wired to enjoy novel experiences . What could be more novel than dating many people at once ?
Does “ serial ” mean dating them all at once ? Serial dating is going from one relationship to another . In our book , Jacquelyn and I talk about too-much-too-soon relationships . Too much intimacy , too much time spent together , too much loss of self – you name it . A serial dater is someone who goes from significant relationship to significant relationship .
Why do young people believe it is a good idea to live together ? Why do they think it will help them stay married ? Young people have grown up in a culture that sees nothing wrong with it . According to Barna research , 65 % of adults are