for whatever reason .
WHY IS IT AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP ?
It is unhealthy due to the simple fact that it shouldn ’ t exist- on any level . For there to be fierce competition just to be noticed indicates an imbalance in relationships . One parent may be indeed showing another child more affection- or at least that is how it is perceived- and this action is creating a sense of low self-worth in the child that feels left out .
Some children get into mischief to receive attention ( sometimes negative attention is better than no attention at all !). Other children resort to competing with their sibling in order to prove ( to themselves or the parent ) that they are better and more worthy of attention .
It should be said that many children will compete with each other in an effort to establish identity , talents , etc . However , the level of competition is different . When we are pushing ourselves to be our best and to improve , the competition is healthy . Animosity does not exist because what is driving our desire to achieve is self-driven . We are trying to surpass a benchmark set by someone else . This is more of a healthy competition . Unhealthy competition is when you are competing on the basis to prove worth and when your self-concept is determined by whether you succeed or not . This is the case in sibling rivalry .
Where sibling rivalry exists , a relationship fails . It never develops . All that exists is a “ who is better ” mentality . There is an absence of harmony , peace , and family unity . There is division , and division , no matter where it exists is unbiblical . Peace and harmony should exist in our homes . Strife needs to be dealt with either in modifying behavior , or being taken up into prayer .
FAST FORWARDING INTO ADULTHOOD …
If sibling rivalry is left unresolved , the wounds are often taken into adulthood . Left are the scars from past wrongs , feeling like you never could measure up no matter how hard you tried , and a broken sibling relationship . Most sisters and brothers report that they wish they could sever ties , but are unable to do so . Most still want the connection with their sibling , but the discord makes it very difficult . Additionally , there are some that cut ties all together and never work out their issues . Healing never takes place in these cases because forgiveness hasn ’ t taken place either .
WHAT CAN YOU DO ?
First , seek to resolve past hurts . Ask God to heal your wounds . Psalm 147:3 says , “ He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds .” God will heal all the past hurts that you may have towards your parents , and towards your brother or sister .
Asking for healing is a crucial step . You can ’ t heal inside if you can ’ t let go of the emotional pain or anger . All it will do is fester and turn into bitterness . You can ’ t run from it , or pretend things are fine if they aren ’ t . You are only deceiving yourself and not allowing healing to take place .
“ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you , your heavenly Father will also forgive you . But if you do not forgive others their sins , your Father will not forgive your sins .” Matthew 6:14-15
You need to let the past go before you can be healed and move on . You can ’ t move on if you never deal with things .
Second , you need , as stated in the scripture above , to forgive . This is easier when you have dealt with the source of your unhappiness in the relationship . This is the letting go part . When we refuse to forgive , we are only punishing ourselves because we are burdening ourselves with a care that we were meant to cast to the Lord .
Third , you need to see who you are in Christ , or how God sees you . This will heal the wounds of low-self worth . You will be more confident in who you are , and the desire to compete with your brother or sister will diminish . They also cannot make you feel bad about who you are when you are both grounded in scripture , and if you don ’ t let them . Only God defines who you are , and to Him , you have great worth . You have value in His eyes , and no one should be able to take away that truth from you .
The most difficult part , then comes , in attempting to heal the