Faith Filled Family Magazine December 2016 | Page 66

not perfect, because we ourselves are clearly not perfect,
but we seek and strive to be perfected through Jesus Christ.
It is through the continual returning to the love of God that
enables those married in faith
to carry out the difficult task of
loving with virtue despite challenging disagreements. There is
something incredibly humbling
and purifying about marriage. It
is here we are met with an imperfect person that we have chosen
as our partner, only to then have
our own imperfections ooze to
the surface.
The tensions undoubtedly arise
and the disagreements pour in
demanding compromise and
sacrifice. In these times there is
also great temptation and trial.
There are fighting times. To pretend these moments do not exist is to deny the very important
work required for two becoming
one flesh. To neglect this work
is incredibly harmful to the marriage also. It is a lifelong work
made much easier with the aid
of our Lord. Arguably, it is only
with God’s grace that we can
begin to pursue the path to married love in the way that God has
willed for us.
How does one fight fair? Can
their truly be such a thing? Often in the heat of disagreement
and intense arguments all fairness seems to be thrown out
the window. Logically we can
tell ourselves that we should not
say hurtful things or put another
down, and yet these occasions
can still arise.
If disagreements are to be han-

dled without offense then there
must be time given to discern
when the appropriate moment is
to discuss differences and to approach it more level headed.

pray and reflect we can calm our
emotions and ensure the aid of
our Heavenly Father who is the
glue that holds the married union
strongly together.

To disagree in a healthy way
takes great work and a solid
foundation. As a newlywed, I
see that the arguments arising with my husband in these
early seasons of our marriage
stem from a sense of ignorance
about one another. Learning to
respect one’s limitations and understanding what these are is a
learning curve filled with growing
pains.

The severity of disagreement
within marriage can vary. Sometimes they are about trivial things
that will resolve with further communication and time, while other
arguments and tensions about
more serious matters can present themselves and be more difficult to overcome. In these times
of continuous disagreement it is
imperative to keep communication open. It may often be necessary to consult a third party to
help the situation also. There are
many good Christian counsellors
available to help.

We can fight fair when we approach issues without seeking
to trespass the other person’s
boundaries or offend what we
know to be their sensitivities. It is
often also sacrificing our selfish
need to “solve” matters instantaneously and give the other the
time they may require to mentally and emotionally sort through
what is challenging them. Fighting fair essentially takes great
self-awareness, and self-awareness is matured through prayer
and an authentic relationship
with the Lord.
If we continually seek to foster a relationship with the Lord
and work toward living with virtue then we will surely be better
equipped to handle the challenging times within married life. This
is not always an instantaneous
remedy as quite often the rashness of emotion can take precedent to the serenity we acquire
from prayer, but it is so vital to
continually seek Christ throughout our trials and desire to begin again. By taking the time to

Ultimately we must strive in marriage to respect our spouses’
differences and to respect one
another through the good times
and the bad times. Learning to
disagree well takes practice and
patience. Learning to love as
Christ teaches us takes great virtue. Married love with all of its joy
and moments of sorrow reminds
us of our call as Christians.
I close this by sharing the second
reading from my own wedding
day. It humbles me and affirms
me in the call of married love. In
the fighting times let us turn to
the Word of God. At the end of
writing this piece, I already forget what my husband and I were
fighting about in the first place.
“As God’s chosen ones, holy
and beloved, clothe yourselves
with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.
Bear with one another and, if