Faith Filled Family Magazine August 2016 | Page 83

but she did. She cried many
nights to God pleading with him
to change my heart and heal me.
She had no idea that God was
working on my heart by this point
but he was.
I felt so horrible as a person
by this point because I knew
deep in my heart that Sandy
deserved so much better than
what I was giving her. The problem was I didn’t know if I could
ever change and be that person
or if she needed someone new
to move on with. I was so conflicted because I knew I had tried
for many years to quit my addictions but was never successful.
So here it was Dec. 25, 2007, I
drank on Christmas Day for the
very first time in my life. I passed
out that night and when I woke
up the next morning, I felt even
more horrible. I knew something
was wrong. Dec. 26th, 2007 was
going to be a day of change.
Either I was going to die or God
was going to heal and help me.

saying my mind at that time was
saying there was no way I could
handle that. I needed a miracle
and if not I was ready to die. I
was truly at my rock bottom.
I felt like God was listening. I felt
like he told me, yes He would
heal me, but I would have to
show him I want th e healing for a
little while. I didn’t know what that
meant. I do know now because
those first 30 days were hard
and I mean VERY hard.
I remember after pleading with
God, I told Sandy that I was
finally walking away from my
addictions. She acted like she
was excited for me, but I found
out later it was an act because
she didn’t believe me as I told
her that so many times before.
She thought to herself, we will
see. She figured it was the same
as it always had been. She didn’t
realize that God was working in
my heart for the last 6 months or
more because I for the frist time
ever I had started feeling guilty
about things which I did.

myself. She took her vows to
me seriously and showed me
love even when I didn’t deserve
it. She gave me the same kind
of grace that God gives us all.
She truly showed me the love
of Christ and what that was all
about.
So because of all the love I’d
been shown, on Dec. 26, 2007,
it was even easier to give my
life back to God. His light shined
through her so brightly that I
could not deny that God was
involved. God used my wife to
change my life. God knew what
he was doing when he brought
Sandy to me. He knew she was
probably the only person that
would have done some of the
things she did to help me see the
light. She had to have so much
patience and to be honest; she
probably has the most patience
of any human being that I know.

When I tell people that her
strength is patience, no one
believes me because they don’t
feel it is possible to have that as a
I pleaded with God that day. I was
strength, but she does have that!
ready to take my own life. I knew Even though Sandy was going I figured out where she got that
I could not survive all of this. I through all of that, she never kind of patience from through
knew I was going to die anyway nagged me to quit. She always the years. Her dad was exactly
so I figured it would make life tried to let God heal my heart. She like that, so she took after him in
easier for everyone around me if always pleaded with him and left that department.
I just ended it all.
the changing in his hands. She
never tried to change me, she After the first 30 days the desire
I told God that I needed a total just loved me as I am and loved for the addictions went away. As
healing or I was leaving this me so much and that made it I am writing this article on July
planet. It was time for me to go even harder for me. She never 4, 2016, I have been completely
if I could not beat this and I knew raised her voice at me, she just sober for going on 9 years now.
I could not do it alone. I told him loved me and she would cry to The desire has been completely
that he needed to take that desire God when I wasn’t around.
removed and I truly feel that
away from me or it was over. I
I have been healed by God. I
knew I could not handle the day I don’t know how she handled it know for a fact that God healed
to day desire. I am not saying through all of that, all I can say me. I know for a fact that there is
here that what I did was right or is that God made her strong a God because there is no way
that AA or Celebrate Recovery because she stayed my rock that I could have walked away
would not have worked, I am just when I could not be a rock for from those addictions to never