Faith Filled Family Magazine August 2016 | Page 76

I often tell parents of young chil- to handle things for me since it
dren; “If you want to raise good was basically out of my control
kids, you need to put your time anyway.
into them.”
I chose the latter.
It’s not easy. I had a very difficult
divorce. Twice, I had to obtain a That was 15 years ago. It’s a
restraining order against my ex- miracle I’m still here.
husband. He was never on time
for visitation, and even ignored I decided to share that part of my
our son’s birthday. For years, I life here, because I really wanted
was left doing damage control you to understand I didn’t come
every time he brought our kids from some perfect past. My life
back from one of his weekend has been anything but perfect.
visitations. They were often However, my One constant, has
emotional wrecks.
been Jesus. He has been in my
life since I was 11 years old, and
I often found myself being a He’s never left me. Through all
perpetual sounding board for of the headaches, heartaches,
them to vent about their father. ups and downs of my life, He
One time, it was just too much has never once left me. He is my
to hear and I took a baseball bat go-to Person every time I’ve ever
to a fence and beat it as hard as needed anything. He always
I could until I wore myself out. comes through for me. ALWAYS.
Other times, I’d just sit, nod my
head, and listen for hours on end I’d encourage you (and your
as both my kids spilled their guts children) to surround yourself
to me. I’d hold it all in, but later, with other people of faith, with
weep for hours on my bathroom like-minded Godly values and
floor alone. Two weeks later, principles. When our kids are
we’d go through the same thing young, they look up to us for that
all over again. This went on for guidance. They mimic our manyears.
nerisms, language, and values.
If you smoke, drink, cuss, lie,
In 2001, I was diagnosed with an party, etc., expect that your chilinoperable terminal brain aneu- dren will no doubt copy your
rysm. My kids were 17 and 11. behavior. Kids learn by what we
Not exactly the news you want DO much more than by what we
to hear as a single parent. I was SAY. They watch us all the time.
only 39. The news really hit hard If they catch you bad mouthing
since brain aneurysms run in my and/or lying to your ex-spouse,
family. (My father died of one they see that as an open door
when he was 32. His mother had of accepted behavior for themone 4 years later.)
selves as well. (“Well, if MOM
does it, it MUST be ok.”)
I knew right then, I’d have to
make a decision as to ‘how’ I When the burden of singlewas going to deal with this. I parenting became too tough at
could either shrivel up in a corner times, I’d end up on my knees
or grant custody of my kids to giving it all to God. That was the
their father, or I could trust God one thing that saved my sanity.

Griping about it to friends may
have helped for the moment, but
it didn’t “fix” my internal maternal
woes.
As a single mom, I learned to
deal with and fix the things I
knew I could; but the bigger
things I always had to give over
to my Heavenly Father for Him to
fix. In doing so, I not only got my
sanity back, but we had peace in
our home, and that’s something
you just can’t put a price on.
I had the misfortune of losing 10
jobs in ten years due to the spiraling chaos of 9/11 and shoddy
employers. Before then, I had
been employed by a national
publishing company for 4.5 years
I’d landed during my divorce.
My son and I lost everything we
owned on three separate occasions during that time, and were
forced to live in hotels. Those
were some of the worst and best
times of our lives. God took care
of us through it all, for which I am
forever grateful.
Single moms and dads: Lean on
your Heavenly Father. That is
my utmost advice.
For your children: “Train up a
child in the way he should go and
when he is old, he will not depart
from it.” Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)
Children find security in consistency and routine. They eat
better. They sleep better. I cannot
stress this enough: KEEP YOUR
WORD. If you promise your
child something, (even if it’s just
your time) make sure you follow
through. So many parents today
say one thing then do another.
It sends mixed messages to a
child. Kids are stressed enough