Faith Filled Family Magazine August 2016 | Page 66

earthly father.
I’m not saying all of this for
you to feel sorry for me. Even
though I had to deal with some
bad circumstances, I still had a
great childhood. My mom made
sure that despite our struggles, I
was happy and well-taken care
of. Divorce is just a part of my
story, but it’s not the whole thing.

However, the reason I’ve told
you my experience with divorce
is to show you that I understand
what it’s like to be caught in the
middle of it. My hope is that I can
shed some light on the child’s
perspective and what he or she
deals with when a family goes
through the process of divorce.
If you are in the midst of a divorce,
here are a few things that you
can do to help your child handle
it in a positive, healthy way.

or her to write out his or her feelings in a journal, express them
through artistic means, or even
verbalize them by talking with
a therapist. This will sometimes be a painful process, but
expressing these emotions now
in a healthy way will keep him
or her from doing so later in life
through more serious or dangerous means.

safe, stable home in which he or
she can grow and thrive.
Finally, the best thing you can do
to help your child handle divorce
is to make sure he or she knows
that he or she is loved--by God
and by you. The single most
lasting impact that my parents’
divorce had on me was the way
it affected my self-esteem. Still
today, twenty-two years later,
I struggle daily with this issue.
My mom never let me doubt that
she loved me, but as a little girl,
I subconsciously worried that
my dad didn’t love me and that
I wasn’t good enough for him.
This fear carried over into other
relationships in my life, particularly my relationship with God,
and left me with incredibly damaging personal issues.

Secondly, make your home a safe
place. Make the environment
comfortable and calm, instead of
angry and tense. A child needs
this safety and stability to thrive.
If your home is constantly filled
with bitter arguments and loud
screaming, there will be real
consequences for your child. He
or she could either withdraw into
fear and timidity or act out and
disobey. Both of these reactions
stem from the instability of the Because of this, I implore you to
First, give him or her an oppor- environment in the home.
let your children know you love
tunity and vehicle to express
them. Let them know that they
their feelings. It is dangerous So, consciously choose to make are special, worthy, and lovedfor someone to keep his or her your home a safe place. Don’t -just because of who they are.
emotions trapped inside. Like a bring your child into the middle Remind them that the Bible says
caged animal, those emotions of your fights with your former they are “fearfully and wonderwill just grow wilder and more spouse or make him or her a fully made” (Psalm 139:14a).
out of control until eventually, bargaining chip of some kind. Tell them that God loves them
they will explode into the open, Don’t constantly degrade your enough that He was willing to
leaving mental and sometimes spouse in front of your child. sacrifice His Son to die for them.
physical damage. When I was These things may feel harmless, Then, show them where He
growing up and was forced to even satisfying, in the moment. says this in John 3:16: “For God
deal with problems or circum- However, these actions will so loved the world that He gave
stances that I didn’t understand, cause extreme injury to your His only begotten Son…” Let
I turned to writing to help me child’s mental health and devel- them know that they never have
process my feelings. Writing opment. He or she may grow to earn God’s love or yours and
provided me with a healthy way up living in constant fear or inse- that they never have to be “good
to handle my emotions so that curity because of the pressure enough,” because the Bible says
I didn’t allow them to consume he or she endured by being put in Titus 2:5a that God’s love and
me.
in the middle of the disagree- salvation can’t be earned. This
ment. Or, he or she may grow verse promises that it is “accordIf your child is having difficulty up harboring hatred and bitter- ing to His mercy” that God saved
dealing with the confusing emo- ness toward you or your former us. Fill your children up with
tions that divorce creates, help spouse because of the things the truth that God loves them
him or her find a way to express he or she witnessed. To prevent always, no matter what, and that
these emotions. Encourage him this, provide your child with a you do, too.