But what if they never say they are sorry ? How can we possibly forgive someone who has wronged us and doesn ’ t even feel remorse ? Believe it or not , we can and should … for our own good . Harboring hurtful feelings and anger can do us more damage than the person who offended us in the first place . Not only does it put a wedge in the relationship , but over time it can put up such a thick and heavy wall only God can knock it down . Brick by brick , each time the hurtful events creep into our minds , we can build an impenetrable wall around us . We often develop the attitude no one is ever going to get close enough to hurt us again . We get a bitter taste in our mouths when we think about the incidents that led up to the hurt . We ruminate over the thing and justify our reaction . That adds more bricks . Eventually we might begin to expect the same treatment from everyone . We may block out God and convince ourselves it is Him who has blocked us because we are so unlovable ! We might even slither into an emotionally dark hole and pout , thinking we deserve to have been abused by someone else . Ah , what a web we can weave …
In my Grace Award Finalist novel , Freed to Forgive , a young girl journeys from being trafficked to becoming triumphant . But long after her escape from that life of abuse , her bitterness keeps her captive . Until she can unshackle her anger from the events of her past and from her memories of her abusers , she is unable to embrace God ’ s forgiveness for her . Only when she chooses to let go of the anger , can she grasp the possibility of a man loving her for who she is and not what she can be forced to do . Marisol is unaware of God ’ s working in her life until she deals with the bitterness that has ended up hurting her more than any of her handlers or victimizers ever could . There can be hope , and healing . Perhaps Jesus talked so much about forgiveness in his earth ministry because he knew how anger , hurt and bitterness could actually sicken the human body . It can bring on stomach problems , high blood pressure , backaches , headaches and shortness of breath . Over time , an unforgiving spirit may affect our whole outlook on life and block our ability to empathize , love , or even tolerate being close to others . As with my late husband , everything can become soured by it as if bitter quinine was sprinkled on all the person experiences .
You have perhaps heard of rosecolored glasses ? Bitterness can act as the darkest sunglasses made by man , discoloring one ’ s outlook on the world . Everything is perceived as being in shadows and darkened to the point that you can ’ t enjoy any beauty . Very little light or happiness can seep in . All is perceived as dark gray , gloomy and dank . Luckily , God is in the business of breaking through the darkness . That is why Jesus said He is the Light of the World . Over and over He spoke in the gospels of light overcoming the darkness and how , as His followers , we are called to be that light . But how can we if we are darkened by an unforgiving spirit inside of us ?
James wrote in his letter ,
“ And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well ; the Lord will raise them up . If they have sinned , they will be forgiven ” ( 5:15 ).
This is not to say all people who have a physical illness are suffering from unforgiveness . It does mean that prayer opens the door for God to intervene with His love and heal the hurt , pain and anger that dwells there from being offended or abused . It begins to tear down the wall so He can heal our hearts , minds and souls . And as we take on a spirit of forgiveness we then open ourselves to pray for our abusers . By doing so , we can help usher in His healing power to them as well .
If bitterness has sickened you , ask God to break through the wall and begin to heal your attitude . And while you are at it , swallow the bile and ask God to forgive the one who offended you . They are in need of a Savior , too . You may be amaze how , given time , your attitude towards things shifts .
If someone has sinned against you , to not forgive them is your own act of sin . Whoa , you say ? Is that really true ? It is , my friend . Look at the phrase in the Lord ’ s Prayer again . As we forgive those who trespass against us . Not to be smug , but has not Jesus forgiven you ? Are we not called to be like Him ? Beyond the fact that as Christians we are to emulate our Lord , there is one very good reason to forgive . All that hurt , anger and discourage-