FACSAFOUNDATION.ORG SHATTERING THE SILENCE TOUR DOCUMENTARY PROJECT Volume 7 | Page 32

A SUICIDE SURVIVORS GUIDE FOR GRIEVING,
BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

Photo by Author Mary Merriment
One of the most painful ways to be left behind by a loved one is through suicide. A suicidal death
leaves “survivors of suicide” or “suicide survivors” (those loved ones left behind) feeling numb and
confused, as well as feelings of intense anger, disorientation, rage, fear, guilt, shame, rejection and
anxiety as a result of the trauma the death creates. These are very normal reactions to an abnormal
event.
When I was left behind as a survivor of suicide there wasn’t much information available on how to
deal with such a situation, and talking about it with others often left them feeling uncomfortable and
unable to support me through such a traumatic experience.
I felt abandoned, deeply hurt, lost in a fog and all alone to endure the pain of my loss. That is why I
have chosen to write this article; as I hope to help others who may have also sadly experienced the
loss of someone they love through suicide.
SHOCK/DISBELIEF
When news of a suicidal death is first received, there tends to be some disbelief and denial. I
actually found the body of my loved one, yet there was still a part of me that didn’t believe it was
true. I expected it to end up a cruel joke intended to teach me a harsh lesson. Though that in itself
seems cruel, at that time it seemed like a good exchange for the reality of the situation, which took
some time and much verification to sink in.
ACCEPTING THE NEWS
Once the reality of the death sinks in, the pain becomes so horrible that a survivor may feel like they
can never live or enjoy life again. It is common for a suicide survivor to feel suicidal themselves,
which can be a very scary feeling, especially after knowing how much pain it leaves behind to do so.
Undoubtedly, the pain will be around for a long time. But you will go on, taking it one day at a time,
or even hours or minutes at a time. Some days will seem like they didn’t even occur and you’ll tend
to forget events that happened through out your day. I recall wondering if I actually stopped at red
lights coming and going to work, because my mind and emotions were not on the present and my