FACSAFoundation.org Shattering The Silence Tour Documentary Project February 2015 Volume 3 | Page 14
Your actions do not cause the abuse.
o You are not to blame for your partner’s behavior.
o You cannot change her partner’s behavior.
o Apologies and promises are a form of manipulation.
o You are not alone.
o Abuse is not loss of control; it is a means of control.
It is helpful to provide support to survivors. However, there are some forms
of advice that are not useful and even dangerous for them to hear:
o
Don’t tell them what to do, when to leave or when not to leave.
o Don’t tell them to go back to the situation and try a little harder.
o Don’t rescue them by trying to find quick solutions.
o Don’t suggest you try to talk to the abusive partner to straighten things
out.
o Don’t place yourself in danger by confronting the abuser.
o Don’t tell them they should stay for the sake of the children.
Never recommend couples counseling in situations of emotional or physical
abuse. It is dangerous for the victim and will not lead to a resolution.
Encourage separate counseling for the individuals, if they want counseling.
o
Adapted from EWA, Canada
How to Help a Friend Who is a Sexual Assault Survivor
When talking to a survivor of sexual assault, here are some key ideas to keep in
mind: