How dare you bring up my father, I internally
screamed.
He knew exactly how to hurt me, and that was
what he was best at.
After he left that morning, I threw my Pearl Jam
record out that same kitchen window. I decided
I would never listened to that album again, and
I decide I would never talk to that broken man
again. But for the first time in a long time, I felt
the hot rays of the sun on my face, and its warmth
was beautiful.
---
“The hard part is over,” my mom declared.
Startled, I looked at her and worried that she had
somehow heard all the thoughts I was currently
lost in.
“Your big furniture is placed. Now, all you have
to do is unpack some of these little boxes and then
tackle that bookshelf,” she continued.
No, of course she hadn’t heard.
“I have no clue how I will fill it,” I replied. My
attention was now back on the bookcase, and
the tone of my voice exposed the slight anxiety I
felt over the task.
“You’re overthinking it, Miranda.”
“Isn’t that what I do best?” I remarked as I placed
the first book onto the bottom shelf.
There. Now, that wasn’t so bad.
---
It was the second day in my new apartment.
Boxes still littered almost every corner of my
living room, and I had already lost interest in
unpacking all of them. A close friend offered to
help me organize the mess that had now taken
over my living room. She brought wine to get us
motivated for the task, so we sat at my small table
and poured ourselves a glass.
“What will you put on your bookcase?” she
asked. “I mean, I know you have books, but do
you have that many?”
“I haven’t really thought about it. There are so
many shelves.” I explained while balancing the
wine glass between two fingers. I then began to
grind the ball of my foot into the wooden slab that
braced the legs of my chair. My habit of fidgeting
with both hands and feet when feeling anxious
always gave me away to my mother when I was
trying to get away with something while growing
up. And now, I was almost certain it was giving
me away to her.
“Just fill it with books and other items that make
you happy,” my friend said as her gaze turned to
the boxes sitting on the floor below us.
EXTOL : SUMMER 2020
75