Epunchng - Most read newspaper in Nigeria Sunday, August 13, 2017 - Page 45

Sunday Family august 13, 2017 45 Relationship Dealing with incompatibility W   hat should you do if you’re in love, but feel incompatible with your partner? These suggestions should help you find answers to the issue, writes JOY MARCUS Stay calm According to www.bustle.com, you don’t have to be 100 per cent compatible to make a relationship work. The more compatible you and your partner are in core value areas, the easier it will be to navigate relationship challenges, but if you feel incompatible, try asking yourself: How, in what ways, are we compatible? What is the natural state of the relationship? Are we compatible in our core/basic values?” If you’re “in the same ball park, but in different sections,” you’re fine — that’s normal. As long as you both understand the others’ perspective and respect that, you’re good to go. It’s important to be able to identify areas of core values that you are not flexible on, the ones that are non-negotiable, and then articulate why that value is so important to you. If your partner can get down with your needs, and understand them, don’t sweat the differences. Therein lays the key to navigating a difference in beliefs within a relationship. Remember that relationships are a collaborative effort. Imagine life in five to 10 years Imagine life with this person in five to 10 years, when the excitement has worn off, and ask yourself if you have the skills and desire to compromise on the issues that are incompatible now. We like to think that love conquers all but the reality is that you need more than love to if you want a relationship to go the distance. If there’s love and also the ability and willingness to go the distance regardless of incompatibilities, you might have a shot. If you have different life goals or significantly different values, it’s unlikely that your love is going to make the relationship work out. A healthy relationship involves compromise and a shared vision for your life together; if your incompatibilities prevent you from building that, love won’t be able to override it for long. Figure out where you stand If you are in love with someone, but you question your compatibility, you need to ask yourself what types of issues you are incompatible about. Are they deal-breakers, or are they minor concessions that you can live with never agreeing on? Before jumping to conclusions, it’s wise to figure out where you stand first. If it is the first, you might be better suited being honest with yourself about what is fundamentally important to you, and what you should be looking for. If they are the latter, think about if you need to look at your own rigid thinking and feeling, and if this person is more important to you. Once you know what’s really going on, then you’ll be ready to decide what to do next. Agree to disagree No two people are going to see eye-to-eye on everything. If the disagreements are about small things, and you can come to agree to disagree about them or compromise about them, then there is hope for the relationship. If the issues are major, because you really don’t see the world at all the same way, not morally, financially, sexually, and intellectually, then this would be a deal-breaker, and ending the relationship without drama and trauma should be your goal. Have a heart-to-heart Resolving incompatibilities, learning to work with differences, is often the core of a really successful relationship. Though you’ll never agree on every single level, you will have to learn how to compromise with your partner. From there, see what happens. If you can’t work it through, you’ll know the relat 62&BFVfVVg&VRFFVW"'FW vN( 2W"֖BbRF'F7V"VW7Fগ2vrFW72WFR&VF6FVW72BW&vBvRVVBFrvBV2vVPF6w&VR( Х&WFW"&VF6bRvBFvW@'&V@bRvBFvWB'&VB"7F'Bf֖ǒ@&R&W7BF&WFW"&VF6b^( &P6F&RBWfW'R2'W6FvƲFvFR6RB6WFW2N( 2gVFFFR6VRv֖vBB&R&vBf"RFRr'VrFW&Ч&VF62&RFff7VBVVvFFB&Vp6F&R27W&Rf&RvFVBW6W&FVBआfRV֖@R6VBGFVBF&R&RVFW"'FW.( 0FW&W7G2&&W2"7FfFW2'WFF6ǒ7FFpFV"7FfFW2&R( 7GWB( ( &&~( "( GV"( R&P6r&62W"&VF6FB6WB@7FVBFFRVB( &FW"F&Vr66VBЦ֖FVBG'V֖BB6VRvBV2