cover story
The weight first came with an emergency
triple heart bypass surgery for my Dad in
January 2011, an emergency heart valve
replacement surgery for my Grandpa
in March 2011, and an emergency foot
amputation for my Grandma on Christmas
Eve 2012. But the weight reached its
peak and my world came crashing down
when my already-small family lost five
close members in a compressed amount
of time: my Great Aunt Evelyn in August
2010; my Uncle Steve in December 2010;
my Grandpa Sam in April 2011; my father
Michael in January 2012; and my Grandma
Jean in January 2013. The grief was
overwhelming. My world shattered into a
million shards of glass and the pieces were
scattered all over the floor. I needed help
to pick them all
up and figure out
how they went
back together,
but it’s hard to
comb through
the wreckage to
be able to figure out what to remember
and what to forget in order to heal.
The timing of my losses couldn't have
been worse for me. In September of 2010,
I became pregnant with my daughter,
Juliet. Becoming a mom for the first
time was such a game changer. For most
new parents these are sleep-deprived,
vulnerable, highly hormonal times when
the need for their own family is the
greatest, and here I was without so
much of mine.
Initially, I had no time to wallow in my
grief and attempt to process it. I had to
keep marching on. When it finally caught
Myalready-smallfamily
lostfiveclosemembersina
compressedamountoftime.
18
Mommy &
Juliet
up to me, it
was the perfect
storm of hormones
sparked by circumstantial
tragedies. I can hardly remember the
first year, and the 2013, 2014, and 2015
springs that came from horrible winters
were indistinguishable from one another.
Physical ills brought on by hormonal
imbalances left me dizzy and crushed my
will. When I was at my lowest and feeling
my sickest, I made doctors appointments.
I absolutely hate going to the doctor . . . so
if I was going, it was pretty bad. I would
go and ex