A
Better
YOU
Written by:
Gina C De Baca
H ello!
Hap-
py July! This
month will end my series on being the
best version of yourself while experienc-
ing hardship. My dad lost his battle with
throat cancer on May 27, so this month’s
article will focus on grief.
Grief. We all experience it and each of us
handles it different. I am not a stranger to
grief. I have had a lot of it in recent years.
What I haven’t experienced, is grief of this
magnitude. On my best day I am not the
best version of myself. My honesty about
my feelings is authentic and that is the
best part of me right now.
There are five stages of grief. I have expe-
rienced all of them. Some I am still stuck
in. There are no rules or specific order the
stages occur.
The first stage is denial. I didn’t stay in this
stage long. I knew my Dad’s health was
poor so him dying young was inevitable.
I just didn’t think he would have cancer
and that it would be so aggressive that it
took him faster than I was ready to let go.
When the surgeon told me my dad had
cancer I was numb.
The second stage is anger. I am stuck in
this stage. Underneath my anger is my
pain. I am angry at everyone and every-
thing right now. The old Gina would have
been mad at God, but I wasn’t mad at him
at all. I was mad at my dad for smoking for
all those years and not taking better care
of himself. I was mad at myself for not
spending more time with him. I am angry
with friends and loved ones for not being
there the way I need them to be. I am still
really angry. I am angry with those who
were selfish and took the time and energy
I desperately need from those I love. My
anger is intense, which goes hand in hand
with the intensity of my love and pain.
My authenticity is the only positive I have
going for me right now. I am still not eat-
ing well or exercising like I should. There
are days that I want to be surrounded by
people so that my mind is occupied and I
don’t think about my dad. There are oth-
ers that I just want to be by myself. For
the first time in my life I don’t have any
answers and I don’t have it all figured out.
The third stage is bargaining. This stage
I don’t have a game plan to get back on
is all about God and the “what ifs”. This
track.
was another stage I didn’t stay in long. My
A Better you