I want to get back at him for what he
did. Some people go to great lengths
to make sure that their act of revenge
is very sweet indeed. But revenge
cannot heal the wounds of our souls.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu has written
extensively about forgiveness. He
notes that an unforgiving heart only
increases the pain that we want to
rectify by not forgiving someone:
“Retaliation gives, at best, only
momentary respite from our pain. The
only way to experience permanent
healing and peace is to forgive …
that pain is only compounded by an
unforgiving heart. If I choose not
to forgive, I will always pay a price
for it. When we are uncaring, when
we lack compassion, when we are
unforgiving, we don’t just suffer alone
for that choice. Our family suffers,
our community suffers, and ultimately
our entire world suffers. We are
made to exist in a delicate network
of interdependence. We are sisters
and brothers, whether we like it or
not. To treat anyone as if they were
less than human, less than a brother
or a sister, no matter what they have
done, is to contravene the very laws
of our humanity. And those who
shred the web of interconnectedness
cannot escape the consequences of
their actions … When we forgive,
we recognise the reality that there,
but for the grace of God, go I.”
Forgiving therefore not only impacts
on me as an individual. The effects of
forgiveness are far-reaching and deep.
To forgive is not to forget. When
we are badly hurt by someone, we
would be irresponsible to simply forget
what they did to us. We have to learn
from these bad experiences so that we
would not get ourselves into similar
situations in the future. Not only
would it be irresponsible, it would be
impossible! There are many things
in life that will remind us of the pain
that we have experienced in our lives.
Every single time that we are faced
with the painful memories of what
someone did to us, we are also faced
with the question: what will I do with
my pain? Will I choose to forgive, or
will I allow bitterness and revenge
to consume my very being? Will I
become a slave to my rage and anger,
or will I allow the wonderful peace of
forgiveness to consume every fibre of
my being? By remembering well, we
can come to terms with our pain, as
well as with those areas of our lives
where we have caused harm to others.
Remembering well empowers us to be
fierce with reality. When we see life as
it really is, we start to live fully in the
way that God wills it.
Forgiveness is a lifelong process.
We have to forgive each other again
and again. It is not enough to just do
this once. And it is something that,
as followers of Jesus Christ, we have
to do. Forgiveness is not an optional
extra. It is not something that we can
do, or choose not to do whenever we
feel like it. No. According to Colossians
3:13 we should forgive each other
as Christ forgave us. My forgiveness
does not depend on the response or
confession of my perpetrator. I forgive
them because I am forgiven. No
matter what they have done to me.
That is all.
Forgiveness is a truly great gift:
whenever we forgive someone, we set
them free, but we also set ourselves
free. Whenever someone gives us the
gift of forgiveness, we have to accept
it in order to become truly free and at
peace with what we have done. We
are forgiven. This great gift has been
given to us once and for all. Let’s give
and accept this great gift. This is the
only way for us to be healed and to
heal.
June/July 2014•
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