EduNews Magazine EdUnews May/June 2014 | Page 34

A s all child psychologists will tell you, the calmer you are, the more relaxed your children will be. So how do you go about soothing your frustrated child while you’re doing your level best to remain unruffled? A valuable lesson to bear in mind is if we as adults never say what drives us up the wall – even the smallest, most insignificant things – our children might get the idea that we only feel frustrated at the big things. Instead, think about sharing examples of smaller things that upset you, so that your children can see how to handle a hurdle and overcome it. Finding peace Figuring out the best way for your kids to calm down is not easy. For some it is spending time alone, or playing outside. For others it going off to yell. But if your child struggles to control his feelings, you need to help him find a way to settle down so that he can move on. Essentially it is fine for kids to have big feelings, but it is how they handle it that is important. Below are a few “peace training” tips to share with your kids when they feel frustrated. Everyday frustrations • Allow him to feel disappointed and frustrated over little things by admitting that it is a part of life, but that it is something he can handle. This will prepare him for the bigger obstacles to come. • For some kids the anger and irritability can go on and on, even after you have talked about their feelings and given them a chance to calm down. However, sometimes this is just not enough. In this case it is important to set a very firm time limit about how long they may remain angry, for example: “You’ve 34 • • June/July 2014 had 20 minutes to be angry. Now it’s time to move on.” •• Speak in terms he understands • According to experiences shared by the “Be a Peacemaker” course presented by the Playful Learning eCademy*, consider an exercise called “sensing peace” in which you imagine what peace looks, feels, smells, sounds and tastes like. Does peace smell like the coming rain? Does it feel like taking a deep dive in the swimming pool? Some kids might find peace in playing under their bed. Once you know what makes your child feel peaceful, encourage him to imagine that calm feeling using his senses. • Choose your words carefully, for example: “It’s all right to be angry with your sister but it is not all right to hit her,” or “It’s all right to feel cross about having to tidy up your room, but you still have to do it.” •• Breathe and count to 10. • Blowing bubbles is a wonderful way to calm a child. Keep magic bubble mix close by. • You could consider practising breathing exercises and meditation with your child from an early age. Not only will it help you feel better, it will help him handle anger when he is confronted by it later on and in all spheres of his life. • Laugh! It makes both young and old feel better. • Teach older kids the benefit of finding peace within themselves. It’s not only internal motivation to feel better, but allows him to take control of what makes him feel stressed. • If all else fails, encourage your child to count to ten when he feels angry, frustrated or overwhelmed. Once he is calm, be sure to give him a hug and tell him you love him. * Available online at http:// playfullearningecademy.com