Teaching Gratitude in the Early Years
Gratitude is one of the trickiest concepts to teach toddlers and preschoolers -- who are by nature self-centered -- but one of the most important. Sure, thankful children are more polite and pleasant to be around, but there's more to it than that. By learning gratitude, they become sensitive to the feelings of others, developing empathy and other life skills along the way.
Grateful kids look outside their one-person world and understand that their parents and other people do things for them -- prepare dinner, give out hugs, buy toys. On the flip side, kids who aren't taught to be grateful end up feeling entitled and perpetually disappointed. Indeed, instilling grateful feelings now will benefit your child later in life. Yet, no one is born grateful. Recognizing that someone has gone out of the way for you is not a natural behavior for children -- it's learned.
When Do Kids Get It? Toddlers are by definition completely egocentric. Still, children as young as 15 to 18 months can begin to grasp concepts that lead to gratitude. They start to understand that they are dependent; that Mom and Dad do things for them. In other words, toddlers comprehend that they are separate human beings from their parents, and that Mom and Dad often perform actions to make them happy (from playing peekaboo to handing out cookies) -- even if kids that age can't articulate their appreciation.
By age 2 or 3, children can talk about being thankful for specific objects, pets, and people. If they are not completely verbal, a toddler of this stage of development can point to who they are thankful for as a family engages in this practice together. By age 4, children can understand being thankful not only for material things like toys but for acts of kindness, love, and caring.
How to Teach It: Children model their parents in every way, so make sure you use "please" and "thank you" when you talk to them. ("Thanks for that hug -- it made me feel great!") Insist on their using the words, too. After all, good manners and gratitude overlap.