96 Spoof News
Black Chick Teaches
Uptight White Guy to
Loosen Up
Two very different
worlds collided last
week when largerthan-life, sasstalking waitress
Tamika Jones found
herself being drawn
into the world of
tightly-wound,
socially awkward
architect Neil Moore.
After a chance encounter at the down-town diner
where Tamika works, which ended with them
accidentally switching mobile phones, this very
odd couple went on to have a series of amusing
misadventures revolving around the fact that she
is black, while he is white.
Ballsy, life-affirming Tamika embarrassed the
uptight Neil on several occasions by talking
loudly and using ‘street’ terms such as ‘homey’
and ‘boo’, while his well-heeled neighbours
looked on in disdain. Meanwhile, Neil caused
Tamika to roll her eyes and kiss her teeth loudly
by squealing and trying to phone the police
when he mistook her brother for a mugger.
However, their initial mistrust of one another
eventually thawed, and a heart-warming and
entirely, tastefully platonic friendship developed
between the two, culminating in Neil delivering a
charmingly inept rap to Tamika and her ‘homeys’.
Saying their goodbyes, Neil vowed to relax and
not take life so seriously, while Tamika said
something sassy and abrasive but fundamentally
unthreatening. Rumour has it that Hollywood
executives, charmed by their story, are looking to
option it for a big-screen adaptation. You heard it
here first..
On a recent flight from
Johannesburg to London, a
white woman about 50 years
old was seated next to a black man.
Obviously disturbed by this, she called the
air hostess. “Madam, what is the matter?”
the stewardess asked. “You obviously do
not see it then?” said the middle-aged
woman, rather annoyed. “You’ve placed me
next to a black man. I do not wish to sit
next to someone from such a repugnant
group. Give me an alternative seat.”
“Madam, please be calm,” the hostess
replied. “Almost all seats on this flight are
taken. I will go to see if another place is
available.”
The hostess went away and came back
a few minutes later. “Madam, just as I
thought, there are no other available seats
in the economy class. I spoke to the
captain and he has informed
me that there are also no
seats available in business
class. All the same, we do
have one place in the first
class section.” Before the
old woman could say
another word, the
hostess continued: “It
is not usual policy for
our company to
permit someone from the economy
class to sit in first class. However, given the
circumstances, the Captain feels that it
would be scandalous to make someone sit
next to such a disgusting passenger.” She
turned to the black man, “Therefore, Sir, if
you would like to please collect your hand
luggage, a seat awaits you in first class.”
A t that moment, the other passengers
who were shocked by what they had just
witnessed stood up and applauded.