D . I . COLUMNIST
The Real Deal with Tommy D ' Aprile
PHOTO : RICK BELDEN
How many of you struggle with your attitudes , actions and behaviors ? Well , I for one can honestly say that I struggle , and sometimes daily . What I want you to realize is that your struggle is not a problem . The struggle actually helps you to realize that there is an issue and hopefully pushes you in the right direction to make a change . If you go around always pointing out other people on their behavior and never acknowledge that you have any struggles , that might be a problem for sure , and the problem might be you !
Recently at our shop , two of the guys had a blowout . One thing led to another until they just lost it and yelled at each other , bringing the shop tension to an all-time high . The ironic thing was this : The one who was the instigator acted as though he did nothing wrong and would not acknowledge his part in the conflict . He actually believed he was justified for his behavior . This took place on a race week when I was not at the shop , so all I hear is he said , she said .
This behavior from these two has been prevalent for some time now . I was taking a couple of days to pray about how I could handle this . I had it in my mind to let one of them go but could not get peace about that decision . Finally , it hit me like a ton of bricks . I had not done my part .
What I mean here is that I never actually set the ground rules for the organization . I just had it in my mind that people would act like I expected them to without having to tell them . Boy , was I wrong .
So here is what we did . We held a meeting where I specifically laid out the expectations of character with a zero-tolerance policy for bad behavior . I took responsibility for my lack of communication and apologized to the guys for it . Now that we have this in place , if there is a next-time blowout they know the consequences beforehand .
Sometimes it ’ s not the wrong attitudes that are the problem , but the way we handle them . I have learned that the right communication can build character and strength , while the wrong or no communication can destroy people and organizations .
Kind , gentle , yet firm correction can get you to places that hotheaded quick tempers cannot . And if you have nothing good to say , don ’ t say anything at all . Zip that lip before you sink your ship . We are our worst enemies at times and seldom see it .
There was a story of a man who fell asleep on his recliner one day . His grandchildren put some smelly cheese on his mustache as a joke . When he woke up he said to himself , “ Boy , this room stinks ,” so he got up and went into the kitchen . When in the kitchen , he said “ Boy , this kitchen stinks too .” After a bit , he walked outside to get some fresh air . Upon taking a big , deep breath , he said “ Darn it , this whole world stinks !”
Sometimes we are the one who is stinking up all the places we go . If you ’ re not willing to acknowledge that it could be you , get ready to stink all the time .
All this is to say that I encourage all of you to take a good , long look at your attitudes , actions and behavior and be honest about where you need to make some changes . If you can drop the pride and selfishness , you may be surprised at how much you can change . This will not only benefit you , but also the people close to you . If you truly love those you say you do , make that change today . Actions always speak louder than words . As always , the choice is yours to make .
December 2020
Email Tommy at tommyd @ dragillustrated . com
WELL DONE !
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