D . I . COLUMNIST The Real Deal with Tommy D ' Aprile
A man I know was recently ranting and raving about someone who did him wrong . He was so mad and just kept on about it for most of our conversation that I figured he had just come from this other person ’ s house , but I asked when it happened and he replied , “ about 15 years ago .” Seriously ? Fifteen years ago ? I was shocked by how passionately aggravated he remained about the whole situation . In fact , he was actually spitting with anger ! It turns out someone else had just mentioned this other person ’ s name to him and that was all it took to get him all worked up again .
It got me thinking , how many of us have been screwed over and done wrong ? There ’ s at least one or two of you out there , I ’ m sure . Seriously , the truth is that every one of us has been wronged many times in the past and will be wronged many more times in the future . It ’ s called life . So my question to you is how will you handle it ?
Now , let me give you a little background on myself . Years ago if you cut me off in traffic or gave me a dirty look there was gonna ’ be a fight . If you screwed me over I was gonna ’ get mine at your expense . And if by chance you tried to make it right with me , I would still come after you . But let me tell you what all that anger did for me . It made me sick — literally ill . I can remember all the anxiety , hatred and plain discord it caused me . I was constantly mad at someone and always was putting up a bold , “ I-don ’ t-like-you-anymore ” front to one person or another .
Fast forward to today and I have been set free . I was so busy wasting my time on people who didn ’ t care about or for me that even my good relationships began to suffer . I was simply focusing my energy in all the wrong directions — and on all the wrong people . A wise man finally asked me , “ When are you going to stop letting others steal your joy ?” What he meant was that I was completely wasting my time and energy on revenge that did nothing but hurt me more in the end . He also taught me about a very powerful word . A word that would forever change my own life and the lives of so many others : forgiveness .
Now , I lift a lot of heavy weights at the gym , drive on- and off-road race vehicles at high rates of speeds , and overall live a pretty crazy lifestyle compared to many , but the hardest thing I ever had to do was learn to forgive others . It took me dumping that foolish pride of mine and just doing it . Once I did , though , it was like a weight had been lifted from me . I no longer had to hold a grudge and be miserable . Forgiveness actually saved my life . The truth is I had it all wrong . Getting mine in the end did nothing but satisfy a temporary need that ultimately brought with it regret .
I ’ ve heard it said that unforgiveness is like being trapped in a prison cell , all the while holding the key to the cell door in your pocket . You see , it is you who suffers by bearing the choice to hold a grudge .
In the racing community there always seems to be someone mad at someone else for some perceived slight . It ’ s no secret that our sport can become a selfish “ all-about-me ” pursuit if you ’ re not careful . So my advice the next time someone does you wrong would be to get over it as quickly as possible . This is not to say you should just accept abuse or you shouldn ’ t separate yourself from toxic , hurtful people . However , demonstrating a big mouth and bad attitude back toward someone else will only make you look like the fool in the long run . It ’ s much healthier — for you — to forgive and move forward without them .
Now all this said , you might be thinking I don ’ t know your circumstance and that forgiveness is much easier said than done . Well , that ’ s certainly true . All I can say , though , is that I do have a lot of experience in forgiveness , in a lot of different areas , and because of that I feel finally set free from the bondage of other people . And all it took was the choice to forgive . Not easy , but so worth it . If you want to live a free life and stop allowing others to steal your joy , trust me , it is attainable . But as always , the choice is yours to make .
Tommy D ’ Aprile tommyd @ dragillustrated . com
April 2017
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