DOZ Issue 37 November 2018 - Page 26

me, it didn’t feel like I could do it because I was just so caught up in the day to day of trying to mend a broken marriage. And I probably would also still be in my former job if I were married. Because of my divorce, I had to find a stable career that I knew could provide me with the financial stability as a single mother. So, I was already looking for something a little bit more, you know. Better benefits, better pay and just a promotion, you know. I was looking for that promotion and had I not gone through the divorce I don’t know that I would have, mainly because I was just so, like I said, stuck in that day to day living and just trying to make things work. And just trying to get by but I wasn’t able to really push myself or challenge myself to be a better woman. And post-divorce, now that I am a single mother, I mean that was like the number one priority, that let’s find a career where I know that I can have that financial stability and so that’s exactly why I applied for the job, and I am truly blessed and grateful for that opportunity. What are some of the challenges that you had to face when your marriage came to an end and how did you overcome them? Yeah. So I lost a lot of friends, you know like mutual friends that I had with my ex-husband, and I was also dealing with the shame of divorce like I said I didn’t come from a family of divorce, so I felt like I had failed. And that was something that really weighed on my heart because growing up in a religious home and believing that marriage is very sacred you know that was the hardest part for me because I felt like I had failed. But then also all the gossip, everybody wants to talk about oh, did you hear so and so got divorced? And so just dealing with all of that DOZ Magazine | November 2018 negativity was really hard on me and the overcoming didn’t happen right away, sometimes it still bothers me that I don’t talk to some of the friends that I had before. But again it goes back to that mindset of having that mental toughness and being positive even in a negative situation because I still have wonderful people in my life and I kind of think of it as the people who are meant to be in my life are in my life, right? And so I have to be really grateful for those wonderful people who are there. And as far as the feeling of shame and feeling like a failure, that just eases over time. Because now, like we talked about in hindsight, now that I know that I needed to go through all of this 26 to get where I am, I am okay with feeling bad or feeling like I had failed because had I not felt like that maybe I wouldn’t be where I am right now. And then the gossip, there’s always going to be gossipers right? (she laughs) Like I said before I used to care so much about what people would say about me or think about me and now I’m just like you know, we all have problems, we all go through things, no one is perfect so why do we sit here and judge each other? And I’m really really passionate about lifting other women and empowering other women, and I feel like if somebody who is my friend or supposed friend wants to gossip about my life and my divorce, that’s their problem, that’s an