DOZ Issue 37 November 2018 - Page 23

myself to sleep. I didn’t want my daughter to see that and many times my parents literally hugged me so that I could just feel comforted but it was I would say, a good eight-month time frame, of feeling lost, of feeling ashamed, of feeling heartbroken because I didn’t actually start my Master’s in Public Administration programme until May of 2016. So basically what had happened was the start of the year I kind of had this realization that I needed to change, I needed to change my mindset because if I did not change my mindset, I was not going to progress. I was not going to get out of that slump I was in. I really had to start focusing on bettering myself and empowering myself, and so I always wanted to go to grad school, I always wanted to get my master’s degree and so I said, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to do this for myself. Because I am living at my parents’ home, they can help me with my daughter while I go to school, and so I have this amazing opportunity to take advantage of, and so I said I’m going to go to grad school, I’m going to better myself. And that’s when I really felt empowered again. I felt intelligent. It’s exactly what I needed because that eight-month time frame of feeling heartbroken that is like a lifetime, you know. I was so down on myself for so long, and there were days I remembered not even wanting to get out of bed. And I even questioned my worth at times and wondered why did I deserve to feel that level of emotional pain? But you know it didn’t last forever, and it quickly started to shift as I changed my mindset. And so I truly believe that I had to start thinking a different way and stop feeling bad and sorry for myself and so I had to figure out how I can better myself and so going back to grad school was the first step for me. Wow! That is amazing! I find that many times when people are faced with adversity, they ask the question, why me? I have been there, and I have asked that question. And you just said you asked the same question, now, in hindsight, why do you think you went through that experience? I know I needed that darkness to be re-aligned with the woman God wanted me to be. You know, it was a period of growth for me, and it helped me to get back on track with my own goals. During that time, I was like why me; I don’t understand this, I can’t comprehend this, now I understand, you know. I am a different person, hundred percent and my mental strength is different, I don’t get upset that easy, I find ways to quickly take a negative situation and flip it into a positive. You know, how can I take something that’s so bad and change it and make it even a little bit positive because everybody goes through a terrible time in their life. And so, I really believe it was that mental strength and being able to, even when you have a terrible situation find positive in it. You 23 DOZ Magazine | November 2018