DOZ Issue 30 April 2018 - Page 16

Love, Courtship and Marriage The Tyranny of Distance T Jennifer Woodley he severity of separation. I understand that. For two years our family was posted to a Naval Base south of Perth in Western Australia, and for almost the entire two years my husband, Daniel, was sentenced to the confinement of a survey boat. His vessel surveyed Australian coastal waters for anywhere from four to six months at a time. A fairly monotonous life for Dan and a particularly harsh one for a young mother raising two tiny boys in a new community with no close friends to confide in. Back in the 1990s, there was no mobile phones and no internet; just a radio phone on board ship in case of emergencies. No chance of intimate conversations using that! However, husbands and wives don’t need to have an ocean between them to experience the difficulties of distance. I have lived under the same roof and shared the same bed as my husband and have still known the expansive sense of distance in ways I never experienced when Dan was at sea. Distance, with the isolation it creates between a husband and a wife, can bring problems of presumption and dangers of distraction. At the heart of distance is dwindling communication. I know the little lies that women tell themselves. They sound so very convincing. Yet ultimately they drive a wedge deep into a marriage bringing both a physical and psychological separation that isolates each partner into their own bubble. There is firstly a sense of presumption that says, ‘he won’t understand’ or ‘he doesn’t really « 16 DOZ Magazine April 2018 care.’ And quickly wives are led to the danger of distraction. Instead of openly expressing our feelings to the right person who needs to hear, we take them to another, who does not. Sadly infidelity is often a manifestation of distance. There is another way. I realized with a great sense of regret at one point in my marriage that I had lots of best friends, but my husband was not one of them. Something had to be done about that. Instead of turning to another, I turned to the one who Ѽȸ) ٕͅѥ́ѽѡȁѡեЁѡ)ٕݕɔɐЁи]ɝѕ)Ѽ͡ɔѡȁՙȁ̸ٕ)AͥѕɅȁѥ$Ёɕѥ)Ѽ͕]ݔɔѼЁ͕ٕ́)ձɅ䁅͡ɔѱ䰁Ё)ѡ͡ЁɅѼ͕ѡɥ)ɕѥ͡ѡЁݥݕ)ݽ)QЁхЁɔȁݥѼ)́յ丁Q܁ѡЁ́͡ՍѼɸ)݅́Ѽɽ܁ѡЁѕݥ͔)ȁ͉ݡѡȁ́ ɥѥȁФ)ѼѼȁЁՙѡЁ́Ѽ)ɽ՝ЁѼѡəݽɭѡɽ՝)QɅ䁽хݥɥ)ɥ%Ёх́ɅѼչє)ѱ䰁ѥѼչє䁅Ʌ)Ѽչє٥丁eȁɥ́)хݡѕٕȁЁ́ͻeЁЁݽѠ)ɕ͕٥