DOZ Issue 18 April 2017 | Page 14

Love , Courtship and Marriage
ABBY KELLY

When You Wonder

If Your Spouse is Saved

I married an MK . Growing up , I knew a few PKs ( preacher ’ s kids ) who , by the time they got to high school , threw their upbringing to the wind and decided to see what they ’ d been missing . I ’ d seen some turn their back on God and those sacred traditions that strengthen and support our faith . But I never thought about how that might apply to a missionary ’ s kid .

I want to believe my husband is a Christian . I want to believe that he loves Jesus deep down in his shrouded heart . I want to believe that the truth so consistently planted in his head has distilled and dripped quietly down into his soul . But I don ’ t know .
My husband doesn ’ t want to pray with me , or go to church with me , or talk deeply about God ’ s will for our lives . Whatever he believes , he holds close to the vest . When I probe him , he evades me , uncomfortable . “ I believe ,” is his standard answer .
Have you been there ? Are you one of the other women in the pews each Sunday whose husband is not hostile to her faith ? He doesn ’ t forbid you to go or mock you when you pray on your knees . Maybe he ’ ll even watch sermons online with you , but he won ’ t really let you or anyone else in . Does your heart whimper with the hurt of not knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that your husband , the man you ’ ve sworn to grow old with , to share this life with , will share eternal life with you , too ?
I spoke about this with my pastor recently . I didn ’ t intent to weep in his office , or even discuss my husband . But the fear and frustration lies so close to the surface , it bubbled out and over .
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14 | DOZ Magazine | April 2017