Superior readily admitted too that she was at a loss on how to reach out to her , to ease her misery . However , there was one option left , and that was to firmly command her to submit to holy obedience and to quit being unreasonable to herself . But would she obey her ? Sr . Faustina remained troubled . But eventually , amidst the intense torment and paralysis of her soul ; in a last ditch effort to overcome her situation , she accepted holy obedience to her Superiors . And , just like the blind man who completely trusted and obeyed his visual guide in everything , she totally submitted herself to the Lord ’ s will through her Superiors . Based on her experience , Sr . Faustina realized that holy obedience was the sure remedy to prevail over the “ trials by fire ” that cripple the soul . ( 12.4 ) Suffering in Holy Obedience to the Superiors Furthers Perfection 153 Sr . Faustina wrote in her Diary , that compared to the previous ten years , in the recent two years , she endured great interior suffering when she strove to obey God ’ s will that was indirectly communicated to her through her earthly Superiors . But , she also realized that the suffering helped her to go further on the road to perfection . However , at some point , she was torn between obeying God ’ s will as directly relayed to her , as opposed to submitting to His will that was indirectly relayed to her through her Superiors . She wrote in her Diary on her dilemma , “ I have been on the Cross between Heaven and earth , that is to say , I am bound by obedience and must obey the Superior as God Himself . And on the other hand , God makes His will known to me directly … One cannot describe what it is like to know God ’ s will directly and at the same time to be perfectly obedient to the Divine will as expressed indirectly through Superiors .” The lack of a regular Spiritual Director magnified her deep pain . She felt “ inner torture so great that no one will either understand or imagine these spiritual sufferings . It seems to me that it would be easier to give up my life than to go again and again through one hour of such pain .” When she finally
153 Ibid ., Faustina , Diary , # 981 .
68