Paid AdverLsement
“ Telling Your Children About Divorce ”
An Open Letter from DISD Graduate , Camille Milner
Telling your children about your divorce can be one of the hardest things you ' ll ever do . And sadly , approximately 50 % of families will have to face that task . I get irritated when I hear people say , " Oh , kids are so resilient -‐-‐ they will be fine aFer the divorce ." Truth is , one of the ways adults develop resilience is by living through life experiences that train them on how to handle other adverse life experiences . Children have not had the life experiences that adults have had ( or at least we hope they haven ' t ), and so they do not have a strong ability to bounce back and be resilient . I remember to this day walking in on my grandparents ' discussion about geJng a divorce -‐-‐ just my grandparents , not my parents , and I will tell you that that memory is sLll there aFer fiFy years . So just imagine what it ' s like for a child , without many life experiences , to have their imaginaLon and their fear go wild at this announcement . But parents , as I tell all my divorce clients , do not forget that you are a parent and a teacher in every aspect of your child ' s life , and this is no different . If it is true that 50 % of all marriages will end in divorce , then demonstrate for your children HOW to divorce , if indeed that becomes the necessity for your family . Show them ( which for children means teaching them ) that the their parents will conLnue to put their interests first , finding a more peaceful process ( out of court ) for their divorce that will enable them to learn how to and conLnue co -‐ parenLng for the rest of their children ' s lives . Divorcing parents , show your children that conducLng oneself with privacy , dignity and grace sLll has a place in this world , keeping your conflict and its resoluLon process private , out of the courtroom and off of the gossip grapevine . Show your children that you , their parents , can model this behavior for your friends and extended family , wriLng a leTer together to all of them in which you say this is a private maTer that you wish to be leF private ; tell them in that leTer that you do not want them to pick sides and that you both want your children to have a conLnuing meaningful relaLonship with them aFer the divorce is over . Show your children that you will conLnue to put their interests first , finding a more efficient process for your divorce that will not force you to spend your children ' s college fund on liLgaLon . I would recommend any divorcing parent to watch the movie , “ Mrs . DoubYire .” It gives a great illustraLon of how it feels to be a child of parents who are divorcing . Other available resources include “ Split : The Movie ,” at www . split . org , and the Sesame Street , “ LiTle Children , Big Challenges : Divorce ,” hTp :// www . sesamestreet . org / parents / topicsandacLviLes / toolkits / divorce . Each of these resources offers you materials for you and for you to use with your children . How can you teach your children HOW to divorce ? By doing it a different way , and that way is a COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE at www . milner -‐ law . com . Talk to your spouse about the importance of this to your children , and see if this is not at least the one thing you can agree on , then find professionals who can help you accomplish that goal . Choose TRAINED CollaboraLve Divorce Lawyers and ask them to help you save your children from the mulL -‐ generaLonal scars that divorce can cause . Ask your aTorney about their collaboraLve training and how many cases they have successfully concluded ; there are many collaboraLvely trained divorce lawyers who have had mulLple training and extensive experience in helping families achieve these goals . Your family / your children deserve nothing less . Camille Milner is a divorce lawyer , who prac5ces in Denton , Sanger , Krum , Highland Village , Flower Mound , Argyle , Frisco , Lewisville , and Carrollton . To schedule an appointment , call ( 940 ) 383-‐2674 .
32
Camille Milner , P . C . 620 W . Hickory * Denton , TX 76201 Office : 940-383-2674 Fax : 940-898-0118 www . milner-law . com