Fetishes,
Fantasies,
Kinks,
Oh My!
You’re sitting at home one lazy evening, nothing
to do, nowhere to go. Your mind wanders to a
simpler time, when all you had to worry about
was watching your favorite cartoon show. In
fact, you wouldn’t mind seeing your favorite
characters again, you think to yourself. Off to
Google!
There before you are countless images from your
youth. Memories come flooding back. There’s
the episode where everybody went to an
alternate universe! There’s the episode when
Driven by that curiosity, you turn SafeSearch
off. And just like that, all those nice
memories of beloved childhood shows are
suddenly twisted into something frightening.
The hero is spanking the villain’s bare, red ass
with a flogger. The Warrior-Princess has the
scrawny, annoying sidekick tied up naked with
a ball gag in his mouth. And I dare not say what
she’s using her magic wand for. It ain’t magic.
In this moment of horror, you have discovered
kicked in the nuts, for sniffing used panties, and
for being felt up by tentacles. And that’s just
the stuff that’s big in Japan, which is known for
exporting technological advancement and really
weird porn. And probably really weird porn
about technological advancement. I know what
you’re thinking: How could anyone possibly be
turned on by this stuff?!
Don’t ask me. Human sexuality is a mystery
wrapped in an enigma, really tightly wrapped,
“The hero is spanking the villain’s
bare, red ass with a flogger.”
the scrawny, annoying sidekick saved the day!
There’s the one where the lone-wolf hero finally
shares a tender kiss with the Warrior-Princess of
the neighboring realm!
And as you browse through this gallery of
nostalgic bliss, you notice something else. A
little button near the top right says: “SafeSearch.” Ah yes, the old “adult content” filter, to
make sure no little kids or old people get their
minds warped. As you read it, you feel a
dangerous curiosity. You wonder: what could
possibly be filtered out if I’m searching for
something as innocent as my old favorite
cartoon shows?
one of the fabled “Rules of the Internet.” And it
just so happens that you’ve discovered the most
notorious of all: Rule 34.
What is Rule 34? It states: “If it exists, there’s
porn of it.”
Of course, Rule 34 includes more than just
cartoon porn. Rule 34 includes a lot of very
specific fantasies, too. There are just about as
many sexual fetishes out there as there are
people.
Like what, you ask? There’s a fetish for eating
food off of a woman’s naked body, for being
DEFYTHIS! MAGAZINE • ISSUE I • PAGE 3